Childhood Emotional Neglect: What It Is and a Self-Test

Over 20 years of practicing psychiatry, I began to notice an invisible force rooted in childhood that affects people as adults. It is a “non-event,” unnoticed and unremarkable, yet it leaves a profound impact on the child that extends into adulthood. It is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).

Childhood Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to respond adequately to a child’s emotional needs.  

This failure to respond can be disguised by a parent’s loving behavior. It can occur in families that appear healthy and well. It can also be obscured by obvious mistreatment or abuse that the child may experience. In all cases, it becomes invisible and unnoticed while silently causing harm in the lives of those affected.

Many people have found answers to problems that puzzled them throughout their lives by discovering that the cause was the emotional neglect they experienced during childhood. But because this emotional neglect is difficult to notice or remember, it can be hard to determine whether you are living under its influence. I therefore developed the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire to help you discover whether you grew up this way.

I have found the questionnaire very useful, but I have not yet been able to prove its accuracy or establish normative data through research. Please bear in mind that, for now, the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire is based on clinical experience rather than a purely scientific study.

Emotional Neglect Questionnaire

  Answer yes to the statements that apply to you.

Do you:

1. Sometimes feel that you do not belong when you are with your family or friends?

2. Take pride in not relying on others?

3. Find it difficult to ask others for help?

4. Have friends or relatives who complain that you are distant and cold?

5. Feel that you have not discovered your full potential—that you have not reached the level you believe you are capable of achieving in life?

6. Often prefer to be alone?

7. Secretly feel that you may be fake or an impostor, often because the personality you show others differs from your true self?

8. Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations or gatherings?

9. Often feel frustrated or angry with yourself?

10. Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others?

11. Compare yourself with others and often find yourself falling short?

12. Find it easier to love animals than to love people?

13. Often feel upset or sad for no apparent reason?

14. Find it difficult to know what you are feeling? The ability to identify what you feel and name that emotion is important for good emotional health.

15. Find it difficult to identify your strengths and weaknesses?

16. Sometimes feel that you are outside your body, looking inward?

17. Believe that you are one of those people who could easily live isolated from the world?

18. Find it difficult to soothe yourself?

19. Feel that something prevents you from living in the moment?

20. Sometimes feel empty inside?

21. Secretly feel that something is wrong with you—that you are not like ordinary people?

22. Have difficulty with self-discipline, such as making yourself maintain positive habits or pursue your goals?

If you answered yes to 6 or more of the statements above, this indicates, in my experience, that you experienced significant emotional neglect during childhood.

Author: Dr. Jonice Webb

Photographer: Adibalea