Accepting Others Begins with Accepting Your Imperfection

How can we understand the concept of acceptance? Let us return to the relationship between human beings and nature. Our relationship with nature is still largely characterized by acceptance. For example, when you see the sea, flowers, or a sunset, your response is one of acceptance and admiration; you do not criticize these phenomena. We look at these parts of nature, accept them as they are, and develop a sense of admiration for them, which brings us emotional comfort. Although nature is not always beautiful—there are raging seas, earthquakes, volcanoes, and other natural phenomena—we still accept nature and do not argue with it. Instead, we find ways to adapt to it and protect ourselves from its dangers.

Accept yourself as an imperfect human being

We are part of nature, and just as nature is not perfect, neither are we. The attitude people should adopt toward themselves is to accept themselves as imperfect beings with shortcomings. When people accept that they are imperfect and have shortcomings, change and growth can begin so that they can overcome them. Take a shy person, for example: if they deny their shyness and feel ashamed of it, they will become even more shy, and this may turn into irritability. If they accept shyness as one of their traits, however, they can overcome it. No one is perfect, and when we accept ourselves as imperfect beings, we can address, change, and improve the shortcomings we have.

There is a saying: “The more you try to be someone you are not, the more you remain as you are.” This saying is true. To change, you must accept yourself as you truly are, with your strengths and weaknesses, so that change and overcoming shortcomings become possible.

Accept others as imperfect human beings

This also applies to how we deal with others, whether they are parents, spouses, children, or anyone else. People today tend to respond critically and do not accept a person as an imperfect human being. This is harmful in close, ongoing relationships such as those between parents and children. A critical attitude that does not accept a daughter or son as they are can cause the child to become inauthentic, striving to please others, hiding, or distancing themselves from their parents. Parents may consequently lose control over their children.

Parents should accept their children as they are, with all their inherited and learned qualities, both positive and negative. Parents can discuss matters with their children, talk about their expectations, and guide them. If criticism is necessary, however, it should occur within a broader context of acceptance, and the child should feel approved of so that they can develop properly and healthily.

Parents' love for their children is genuine when they see and acknowledge their children's positive qualities and build their relationship around positive things. Parents can comment on negative matters and guide their children regarding them, but the child retains the right to accept or reject that guidance because they are their own person, even when young. The opinion should not be presented as an order but as a position that can be discussed and considered. Interactions with children, especially adolescents, should therefore involve parents sharing their opinion and expectations and then adding, “Think about what I am saying and choose what suits you.” Simply granting adolescents this right makes them more inclined to take their parents' opinion seriously and adopt what suits them from it.

Acceptance and intimate relationships

The same applies to intimate relationships, where acceptance must be present in marriage. At first, a marital relationship is based on mutual admiration and love, but beneath this lies a hidden agenda: each partner wants to change the other. The relationship then becomes based on criticism, creating tension or preventing it from being genuine, as one spouse shows only what the other wants to see. A healthy marital relationship is based on accepting the other person as they are.

Acceptance is an important concept, and adopting this attitude requires us to do a great deal of work on ourselves. We were criticized as children and shaped according to other people's expectations, so we learned to respond to their expectations and developed expectations of them. We also developed a critical attitude toward other people, especially those who are part of our daily lives. To reach the stage of acceptance, we must work on ourselves. We must first accept ourselves as imperfect beings, acknowledge our shortcomings, and examine how to change them.

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