On Valentine’s Day, which lovers celebrate around the world and many await as an opportunity to express their feelings to their partners, let us talk about where love andmental disordersintersect, given the many clinical cases we see in which emotions are affected by symptoms of illness. Our understanding of love is not limited to romantic relationships between spouses or lovers. It includes every relationship marked by affection and a desire for closeness, such as family relationships and friendships. Here is how common mental disorders interact with love:

Mental Disorders and Love:

1. Love and Depression:

We begin with the most common disorder among people, which may occur on its own or alongside other disorders:depression. A person’s mood and energy decline, their interests diminish, and they take less pleasure in activities they once loved. Love and passion fade, and emotional detachment appears alongside the other symptoms. The other person may assume it is personal and believe they are no longer valued or loved by the person with depression, without realizing that this is one of thesymptoms of depressive disorder. I have met many children who believed their mothers did not love them, when the heart of the matter was that those mothers had depression.

2. Love and Bipolar Disorder

Not far from depression, we move tobipolar disorder, in which depression is present to varying degrees. Its main pole, however, is the expansive episode, or a state of mania or elation, during which the person’s psychological energy increases and they are flooded with many emotions, including love. They may act impulsively when expressing these feelings and behave in socially inappropriate ways, carried away by the force of mania, feelings of grandiosity, and excessive speech. They may become adept at flirting during this time, dare to make advances toward their therapist or teacher, and break the usual boundaries in relationships. The person may also experience a clear increase in sexual desire, which can be mistakenly interpreted as intense love and attachment. All this lasts for a limited time, followed by a rapid drop in mood and embarrassment and shame about what they felt or did during the episode.

3. Love and Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderlinepersonalityis characterized by fundamental relationship difficulties. A person may move from intense attachment and boundless infatuation to an outburst of anger and expressions of hatred after a minor mistake by the other person, or perhaps only a perceived shortcoming. There is no moderation in their reactions or appropriate assessment of mistakes and kindness; instead, exaggeration and extremes characterize this personality in everything concerning emotions and relationships. Someone with this disorder may also appear desperate to please the other person, not out of love but because they have a profound fear of abandonment. Their partner may interpret this as love and commitment until they are shocked by behavior showing that the attachment is unhealthy and not necessarily connected to love. In addition, peoplewith borderline personality disorderneed continual reassurance and confirmation that they are loved, which can sometimes make the other person feel bored and distressed.

4. Love and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

As for those who strive for perfection, including people withobsessive-compulsive disorderand obsessive-compulsive personality, they frequently doubt and hesitate about their relationships. Many questions come to mind, such as:

  • Is my partner the right person, or is there someone else who could make me happier?
  • Am I good enough for my partner?
  • I do not feel sexually attracted to my partner right now. Is something wrong with our relationship?
  • Do I really love my partner, or do I merely like him?
  • I saw a woman at work and found her attractive. Does that mean I am not loyal enough to my partner?
  • What if I am in the wrong relationship and never felt love for this person in the first place?
  • I do not think about my partner all the time. Does that mean I do not really love them?

A person with this personality may also obsess over similarly doubtful questions about the other person’s feelings toward them. In my clinic, I have seen people approaching marriage who attended shortly before their wedding because of the severe anxiety caused by these doubts.

5. Delusions of Love:

In some disorders involving delusions and false beliefs, a person may experience romantic delusions, believing that someone else loves them and is sending signals that they want a relationship or even secretly seeking a sexual relationship with them. For example, a woman may believe that a television presenter or football player makes an appearance for her sake, smiles at her, and looks at her admiringly, or that a university professor directs his jokes and laughter specifically at her. These beliefs affect women more often than men. The prevalence of such delusions has risen with the spread of different social media platforms, which have made it easier to access, monitor, and pursue celebrities who were previously difficult to reach. In this case, love is pure fantasy.

6. Love and Narcissism:

A narcissist is often characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a tendency to exploit others for personal gain—traits that conflict with the values of love. Narcissists may show their partners love and behave charmingly, but this is usually conditional, with their displays of love depending on what their partner can give them in return. They tend to deal with a partner by threatening physical or emotional abandonment if their needs are not met. Someone who falls in love witha narcissistsoon becomes unhappy and begins trying to escape, while the narcissist tries to tighten their hold on the person who continually feeds their narcissism.

7. Love and Schizophrenia:

Someone who lives withschizophreniais capable of feeling love but less able to show and express it. The problem lies in their common belief that others cannot love them. They may also be unable to recognize and respond to other people’s emotional needs and may sometimes experience emotional blunting. They may not be inclined to form social relationships because they have difficultyexpressing their feelings. When they do express them, it may not happen spontaneously, making it difficult for others to understand and accept their feelings. Some may also have no sexual desire, removing the motivation to form loving relationships and marry. In my clinical work, I see many family members who are hurt by the emotional blunting the person shows toward them. It is essential to support these family members so that their love for the person is not lost.

I Am in a Relationship With Someone Who Has One of These Disorders. What Can I Do?

  • Show empathy and acknowledge the legitimacy of the other person’s feelings, even when you disagree with them. Allowing those we love to see that we recognize what they feel can give them the freedom to accept and move beyond that feeling. It can also inspire hope during their most despairing moments.
  • Learn the symptoms of your partner’s disorder and do not take them personally.
  • Resist the idea of asking them to “try harder to improve how they feel.” Not every symptom is easy for the person to control; their emotions may be beyond their control.
  • Seek different forms of treatment. Relationships and emotions may improve with appropriate treatment and patience while waiting for results.
  • Build a support network around yourself and the person. People with mental illnesses can benefit greatly from knowing they are not alone in facing their daily struggles, fluctuations, and relapses. A healthy support system can give them access to new ways of coping. This network may also help you remain resilient alongside the person you love.
  • Always remember that these patients are still the people we love, even if they change for a while. They need us to express that love when they cannot see it clearly, and doing so helps you preserve hope.

We always remind you that you can turn tomental health professionalsto help you move forward in your relationships with those you love, bridge the gaps, and repair what can be repaired.