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Making decisions without waiting for someone else’s approval

Sultan AlmuhasinMedical review: Tatmeen team7 min read
مسار أصفر يتجه نحو الشمس بين مسارات ملوّنة وفقاعات كلام.
Article contents
  1. What is actually making the decision difficult?
  2. Try one small decision that belongs to you
  3. Ask for the help you need
  4. When disagreement could put you at risk
  5. When to talk to a professional
  6. Frequently Asked Questions
  7. Sources and references
  8. Writer and reviewer

You may know when you would prefer to study, or which activity you would like to try, yet find yourself waiting for someone you trust to say, “Yes, that's the right choice.” If this keeps happening with decisions you could manage, consider asking for a different kind of help: someone can help you understand the options while leaving the choice with you.

You might start with, “This is the option I prefer. There's something I need to know before I decide.” You may still feel uncertain, and may still need help carrying out your choice. The World Health Organization emphasises respect for a person's choices1 alongside support in health care. The suggestions below are examples for organising safe everyday decisions, rather than treatment for a mental health condition.

What is actually making the decision difficult?

Think of one decision you postponed. Do you understand the options? Do you have the skills and money needed to carry them out? If the choice affects other people, what needs to be agreed with them? Another essential question is whether you can disagree safely.

You might need someone to explain a complicated procedure, take you somewhere you cannot reach alone, or provide ongoing assistance because of illness or disability. Being told to “be confident” does not supply that help. Make the practical need clear while keeping the role you can and want to take. Asking family for advice is not itself evidence of a personality disorder; assessment considers a lasting pattern2, its effects and its context.

To work out where to start, distinguish between different difficulties:

What is missing? A step that addresses it
Specific information Ask for that information, then return to your choice.
A skill you have not learned Ask someone to explain the steps or work through them with you initially.
Necessary ongoing assistance Agree on what the helper will do and what you want to decide yourself.
Fear of making a mistake despite understanding the options Try a small, adjustable choice before a major decision.
A real risk of harm if you disagree Seek support for safety; confrontation is not a confidence exercise.

Try one small decision that belongs to you

For this exercise, choose something that has limited consequences and can be changed, such as organising study time or choosing an available activity. Major medical and financial decisions need a discussion suited to their importance. Write down two workable options and why you prefer one. You do not need a guarantee against regret; you need to understand the choice and its possible consequences.

The conversation might sound like this:

“I'm thinking of studying in the afternoon instead of at night because I concentrate less well late in the day. Is there a household commitment I haven't considered?”

If the time is available, try your choice. You might discover that the house is noisier then, and change the place or time. You can adjust the plan without handing the whole decision back to someone else. What you learn can help with the next choice.

Before asking again, consider whether something new needs checking or whether you want to hear the same approval to feel calmer. For a safe everyday decision, you could write down the worry to return to later while continuing with the step you chose. If fear is intense or repeatedly disrupts your day, discuss it with a professional rather than turning the exercise into a test of willpower.

Ask for the help you need

You might say, “I'd like to start myself and ask if I get stuck,” or “Help me compare the options and leave the choice to me.” Sometimes you need a more specific agreement: who explains the process, who provides transport, and who makes the decision?

If you are providing support, ask, “What do you think, and which part would you like help with?” Avoid making help conditional on agreeing with your preferred choice, or withdrawing it abruptly to test the other person's ability. You can also explain your availability: “I can go through the options this evening, but I can't respond throughout the day.” Clear, workable limits are easier to rely on than promises you cannot keep.

Where possible, seek help according to the need: ask the relevant organisation about a procedure, a relative about transport, and a mental health professional about your fears. Location, cost or family circumstances may leave you with few options. Start with what is available; limited resources are not a personal failure.

When disagreement could put you at risk

Threats, or being prevented from accessing money or treatment, create real constraints. Do not use these suggestions to confront someone abusive or prove that you can cope alone. Look for a safe way to seek help that fits your circumstances. A phone monitored by another person may not be safe for this purpose.

In Saudi Arabia, 1919, the family violence reporting centre, receives reports of abuse within families3 around the clock. If there is immediate danger, contact local emergency services. You do not need a diagnosis for yourself or the person harming you to seek protection.

When to talk to a professional

Consider an assessment4 if fear of losing support keeps you from studying, working or expressing your views, or if indecision and repeated reassurance-seeking cause ongoing distress. Bring two examples: a decision you handed over despite wanting to make it, and a situation in which you could not disagree. Explain both what you feared and the practical constraints you faced.

For the pattern an assessment may consider, read the DPD explanation. Seeking assessment does not commit you to a diagnosis.

For your next decision, identify what you want to choose and what help you need. A clear request may be enough to start: “I want a say in this decision, and this is the help I need to take part.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I make decisions without waiting for someone’s approval?

Consider asking for a different kind of help: someone can help you understand the options while leaving the choice with you. You might start with, “This is the option I prefer. There's something I need to know before I decide.” Practise first with a choice that has limited consequences and can be changed. Write down two workable options and why you prefer one. You do not need a guarantee against regret.

Does relying on others for decisions mean I have dependent personality disorder?

Not necessarily. Asking family for advice is not itself evidence of a personality disorder; assessment considers a lasting pattern, its effects and its context. Consider an assessment if fear of losing support keeps you from studying, working or expressing your views, or if indecision and repeated reassurance-seeking cause ongoing distress. Seeking assessment does not commit you to a diagnosis.

What can I do if I seek reassurance before every decision?

Before asking again, consider whether something new needs checking or whether you want to hear the same approval to feel calmer. For a safe everyday decision, you could write down the worry to return to later while continuing with the step you chose. If part of the plan does not suit you, adjust it rather than handing the decision back. If fear is intense or repeatedly disrupts your day, discuss it with a professional.

How can I support someone who relies on me to make their decisions?

Ask, “What do you think, and which part would you like help with?” Avoid making help conditional on agreeing with your preferred choice, or withdrawing it abruptly to test their ability. You can also explain your availability: “I can go through the options this evening, but I can't respond throughout the day.” Clear, workable limits are easier to rely on than promises you cannot keep.

What should I do if disagreeing with someone could put me at risk?

Threats, or being prevented from accessing money or treatment, create real constraints. Do not use everyday decision tips to confront someone abusive. Look for a safe way to seek help that fits your circumstances; a phone monitored by another person may not be safe for this. In Saudi Arabia, 1919, the family violence reporting centre, receives reports of abuse within families around the clock. If there is immediate danger, contact local emergency services.

Writing and article review

Sultan AlmuhasinWritten bySultan Almuhasin

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, working on Arabic and English articles across mental health and everyday life topics, including relationships, stress, work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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