How Can I Overcome a Dependent Personality?

Freedom, in its broad sense, involves moving beyond what has been defined and imposed on us and living within boundaries we choose for ourselves of our own free will. This necessarily makes us people who can take responsibility for ourselves and those around us, and who reject dependency and reliance on others.

By contrast, some people see freedom in this sense as carrying a high cost that they neither prefer nor feel able to bear. This leads them to live according to patterns of dependent personality, which is considered a personality disorder involving unhealthy dependency-based patterns of behavior, functioning, and thinking. People with dependent personality disorder also experience problems understanding situations and people and interacting with them. This leads to major difficulties in their social, professional, and romantic relationships.

Tatmeen presents this article to answer questions about dependent personality disorder, including: What is dependent personality disorder? What causes it? The final question seeks to address and help those who recognize its symptoms in themselves: How can I overcome my dependent personality?

What is dependent personality disorder?

Dependent personality disorder is a persistent pattern of thinking, perceiving, and interacting with one’s surroundings in a dependent way. It may reach a point where the affected person has clear difficulty completing assigned tasks alone and constantly needs someone else to do them and provide care. This, in turn, leaves them with a persistent feeling of anxiety about finding someone who will care for them and meet or fulfill their needs, along with a complete willingness to give up their independence and interests. This makes them excessively dependent and submissive.

The real problem with dependent personality disorder does not lie solely in the affected person’s dependent and reliant traits, but also in their lack of awareness of those traits. People with a dependent personality often do not see themselves as dependent because they view their way of thinking and handling matters as normal, even when it is dependent. To them, the problem lies not with themselves but with those around them, whom they consider responsible for the challenges they face and their inability to complete what must be done. They may spend most of their time blaming you for this.

Symptoms of dependent personality disorder usually begin during adolescence or early adulthood. At this stage, the constant need for others begins to appear, along with an inability to make even the simplest daily decisions without help, a persistent need to be surrounded by others, and feelings of anxiety and tension when left alone.

What causes dependent personality disorder?

1. Environmental causes.

The environment in which an affected person grows up plays a fundamental role in shaping dependent traits. This may happen when they are raised in an authoritarian family that does not allow the child to disclose or share their thoughts. Over time, this leaves the child lacking confidence in themselves and in their way of thinking, believing that those around them can think and make decisions better than they can.

The same applies to a family that strives to provide for all its child’s needs and secure every possible comfort, including shielding the child from completing any tasks or responsibilities assigned to them. This pattern of upbringing can create a dependent child who is detached from reality and believes that the people around them should fulfill the same role as their parents by meeting their needs and assuming responsibility for them.

The affected person’s environment is not limited to their family; it also extends to their professional and romantic surroundings. A person may become involved in a long-term romantic relationship characterized by neglect, emotional depletion, mistreatment, and a persistent feeling that they are inadequate or worthless. This type of toxic romantic relationship may prompt negative responses toward their surroundings, including a loss of motivation and passion for making any effort in romantic relationships. They may become dependent even in their emotions because they believe they lack the ability to satisfy their partner or improve and develop the relationship, and that none of this is their responsibility but rather the partner’s.

2. Psychological causes.

The psychological causes of dependent personality disorder are often a product of the environment in which the affected person grew up, as previously explained. Whatever its form, this environment can create a person who views themselves negatively and believes they cannot achieve or accomplish anything alone. Genetic factors also play a central role in dependent personality disorder, either when a family member has the disorder or when there is a family history of anxiety disorders. This may increase the likelihood of developing dependent personality disorder.

The most important symptoms of dependent personality disorder include:

1. Lack of self-confidence.
2. Avoiding all forms of responsibility, particularly personal responsibility.
3. Constantly complaining and emotionally draining those around them to persuade others to help and provide for them.
4. Excessively seeking advice and reassurance from others.
5. Depending entirely on others.
6. A constant and persistent need to receive care from others.
7. Submitting to those around them and lacking the ability to form an opinion of their own.
8. Being unable to believe in their abilities or rely on themselves, leading them to become attached to those around them.
9. Persistent fear and anxiety that the people around them will leave.
10. Avoiding disagreement with others for fear of rejection.
11. Having no objection to being treated badly in exchange for someone staying with them and caring for them.
12. Finding it difficult to take any step or do anything alone without help from others.
13. Constantly needing to enter a new relationship after a previous one ends because of the fear of being alone.

How can I overcome my dependent personality?

1. Psychotherapy.

Treatment for dependent personality disorder is based primarily on psychotherapy sessions, which help the affected person understand the nature of their symptoms. Therapy also teaches them new ways to build healthy relationships with others and improves their self-confidence. Psychotherapy for a person with dependent personality disorder is preferably short-term so that long-term sessions do not become a reason for the person to grow dependent on their psychiatrist.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most effective treatments for dependent personality disorder because it enables the affected person to understand why they depend on those around them and exposes them to situations that train them to replace dependent behavior with independent behavior. This will help them manage symptoms of anxiety and tension when completing tasks alone and encourage them to enter healthy relationships. They will become convinced that they do not have to tolerate toxic people because they are no longer dependent and can rely on themselves. It also helps them become more active and focused on their goals.

2. Medication.

Medication is more effective when combined with psychotherapy. The importance of drug treatment lies in helping the patient alleviate symptoms accompanying dependent personality disorder, such as anxiety, tension, and panic attacks. Among the most prominent medications used for this purpose are anti-depressants, medications that reduce nervous distress, and medicines that lessen accompanying physical symptoms, such as digestive symptoms and irregular heartbeats.

If people around you display symptoms of dependent personality disorder, recognize that they have a constant need for reassurance and to know that you are beside them, offering different forms of support. You should also understand that ending any kind of relationship with them may have difficult psychological effects. It can make them feel alone, leading to anxiety, fear, and panic..

You should therefore be careful when dealing with them. You may face some difficulties at first because interacting with them requires a great deal of emotional support, which may increase your psychological strain. You need to encourage them to seek treatment and attend psychotherapy sessions, without yielding to the symptoms of the psychological disorder they are experiencing. Offer emotional support throughout treatment, and let them know that you are beside them and that receiving treatment does not mean being separated from them. Alongside this support, it is also important to establish clear boundaries so they do not drain you emotionally to the point of causing you psychological harm. The only thing that can help you with this is consulting a psychiatrist for guidance on how to interact with them and establish clear boundaries that allow you to support and live with them without experiencing psychological pressure..