How Does Narcissism Affect Romantic Relationships?

Relationships of all kinds face many challenges and difficulties, especially when one person has a narcissistic personality, cares only about themselves and their own needs, and does not appreciate the other person's efforts to preserve the relationship's stability, success, and continuity.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental illness that usually begins in adolescence and affects men more than women. Narcissistic people place great importance on themselves and demand respect, attention, and love from everyone. They do not care about other people's feelings and needs, and they feel disappointed and upset when they do not receive the attention and respect they believe they deserve. Although they appear confident and strong, even the slightest criticism affects them, and they do not value themselves. 

Relationships with narcissistic people are troubled and unsatisfying, and others do not enjoy being around them. This personality type affects relationships in various areas, including romantic relationships, work, and education.

It is believed that there is a close connection between narcissistic personality and parenting styles, whether parents are overly attentive or highly critical. Heredity is also thought to play a role, and neurological causes related to the relationship between the brain, behavior, and thinking may be involved.

How does a narcissistic personality affect a relationship?

The effects of a narcissistic personality range from moderate to serious, depending on your ability to remain in this type of relationship. Some people may need treatment and recover, while others may experience harm that remains with them for life. Staying in a relationship with a narcissistic person is a genuine challenge. Here are some signs that you are in such a relationship:

• They give you a false first impression: During the first months of your relationship, they appear friendly and kind, continually compliment you, and tell you how much they love you. They believe they deserve to be with someone special who gives them constant appreciation and respect. Pay close attention if you feel that it is far too early for them to love you or notice that they reached these positive conclusions about you very quickly.
• They present themselves as strong and extremely self-confident, but in reality they struggle with low self-confidence. They therefore look to others for validation and strength, and diminish other people's worth to establish their own. According to a study (Nguyen.2019), their low self-confidence may be connected to their upbringing, as persistent stress and physical and psychological mistreatment by parents and those around them are major risk factors for developing low self-confidence.
• A narcissistic person is also characterized by a lack of empathy for those around them and their problems. They are unable to apologize or understand other people's feelings and perspectives. This is confirmed by a study (Vidning.2019), which states that a lack of empathy is one of the traits of narcissistic people. They do not have the same capacity to feel for and empathize with another person, and they are unaffected by things that usually affect others deeply, such as seeing someone suffering or in distress. They therefore feel no genuine remorse for the harm they have caused.
• They also manipulate your mind and emotions and become experts at lying, accusing others, and changing the facts to shift blame onto someone else. According to a study (Petric.2018), this greatly affects you, plants doubt within you, and makes you wonder whether you are still the person you once were. You also begin doubting your memory of events and your own honesty. All of this results from their use of persistent denial, misdirection, and lying in an attempt to destabilize you and make you believe that you are at fault rather than the victim.
• They also constantly mock you and your behavior, which becomes extremely upsetting over time. They criticize everything you do, from your clothing and friends to the programs you watch, and call you names that upset you. The aim is to undermine your self-confidence and distress you, which gives them strength and positive energy because they believe they can influence you and manipulate your feelings.
• A narcissistic person insists that their behavior is always right. They never admit or apologize for a mistake and never accept responsibility for their words or actions. There is therefore no point in arguing with them because you will not reach any result. They will neither listen to you nor understand what you say, so try to avoid problems with them and give them what they want, because what truly upsets them is being ignored and feeling that they lack control.

How do you leave this relationship?

If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person, this means that you have suffered enough. It is time to rest and remove yourself from the relationship, as staying with someone who constantly criticizes you, diminishes your worth, and is unfaithful to you negatively affects your feelings and mental well-being. Here are some suggestions:

• Remind yourself that you always deserve better.
• Adjust your lifestyle: exercise, sleep well, and eat healthy food.
• Try saying no in situations that do not suit you.
• Do not burden yourself beyond your capacity.
• Surround yourself with supportive people who draw your attention to your partner's mistakes.
• Consult your psychotherapist, and encourage your partner to do the same.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious and dangerous mental health condition that affects all social relationships, and entering a romantic relationship with a narcissistic person is extremely difficult. Try to remain as calm as possible, accept their traits, and help them overcome this condition. You must, however, recognize when you can no longer cope or continue, step aside, and leave before the relationship causes you further harm. Do not hesitate to contact your psychotherapist through the Tatmeen app for help dealing with narcissistic people and avoiding the negative effects of interacting with them.

Download the Tatmeen app for online psychological and family consultations from the Apple Store or Google Play. You can also register on the Tatmeen mental health website to access valuable information and practical tools for strengthening your psychological and family well-being.

·    Nguyen T.D, Wright P.E, etc. Frontiers in Psychiatry. Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: a cross-sectional study.2019

·    Vidning, Essi. Oxford Academy. Explaining the lack of empaythy.2019:21

·    Petric D. Researchgate. Gaslighting and the knot theory of mind.2018