Marital Infidelity: Causes and How to Respond

Searching for the causes of marital infidelity has become a major concern for sociologists, religious scholars, and those interested in psychological explanations of human behavior in recent years. This follows a significant increase—one that could even be described as a surge—in rates of marital infidelity, which casts a negative shadow over the structure of society and the natural development of relationships within it.

There are, of course, many reasons that lead to infidelity. From the outset, however, we want to emphasize that these reasons can never justify this disgraceful act. Rather, they are what the unfaithful person regards as justification for believing that the solution lies in betraying their partner.

To put it more clearly and definitively, there is never any justification for infidelity, whatever the circumstances. Ultimately, it is an immoral act that disgraces those who commit it, in addition to being rejected by all revealed religions.

If you want to learn everything related to marital infidelity and why spouses betray one another, read on.

Marital Infidelity

The term marital infidelity is somewhat broad and cannot be given one precise definition. Some interpret it as any relationship involving emotional attraction by one partner toward someone other than their spouse, while others believe that a relationship does not constitute infidelity unless it becomes sexual.

In general, we can say that infidelity is any private behavior toward a person of the other sex that you are afraid your spouse might discover. This applies equally to husbands and wives.

Causes of Marital Infidelity

There are certain factors and causes cited by unfaithful men and women who believe that their presence drove them to betray their partner. These include:

1. Sexual dysfunction

Although many people avoid acknowledging this cause clearly—especially women—a healthy intimate relationship is a strong indicator of a healthy marriage.

One of the most important features of marriage is the intimate relationship that God ordained and created as an instinctive part of human nature. Failure to fulfill this relationship properly may therefore lead some people to seek another way to satisfy it, which is why sexual dysfunction is considered one of the strongest causes of marital infidelity.

2. The absence of a genuine emotional relationship with one’s partner

Unfortunately, many Arab societies view a man’s expression of love as weakness and a woman’s expression of love as evidence that she lacks modesty. This is how we are raised, often without realizing it.

Because of this misguided upbringing, spouses grow up and carry these ideas into their marriages. They forget that emotional fulfillment is important and necessary for sound psychological well-being and, of course, for a healthy marriage.

3. Neglect

Daily life imposes considerable routine through work, responsibilities, and other family affairs. After several years, one spouse may begin to neglect the other. The father may be occupied with work and the mother with the home and raising the children, until each spouse may be surprised to find that the other is neglecting them completely and no longer considers them a priority.

4. A marked difference in cultural background

Because marriage encompasses an entire life together, there must be an acceptable level of compatibility across all areas of life. Many husbands complain that when they discuss general topics with their wives, their wives do not understand what they mean, while many wives complain that their husbands cannot understand them.

We are not referring here to the familiar differences between the sexes. We are talking about discovering that the spouses come from two separate worlds. Regret over choosing the partner may then begin, followed by attraction to someone else whom the person believes is more suitable.

5. Forced marriage

Despite the requirement for consent imposed by every revealed religion—and even by human social norms—forced marriage to preserve family property, or because parents threaten to be angry with a son or daughter, remains one of the best-known causes of marital infidelity. It creates aversion toward the spouse because there is no emotional compatibility, after which infidelity may occur.

6. A negative self-image

Because the human psyche is extremely complex and explaining its behavior has challenged psychologists, one cause of marital infidelity is low self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy.

As a defense against this painful feeling, a person tries to prove their worth and existence—and to show that they are loved and genuinely valuable—through improper relationships and by proving that they are desirable.

7. Delayed adolescence

Some people may have been unable to experience adolescence, a stage known for emotional impulsiveness and attraction to the other sex. They then grow older and find themselves in their forties or fifties beginning to feel that surge of attraction toward the other sex, after which they begin having multiple relationships.

The causes of marital infidelity mentioned above are primary causes related to the nature of the relationship and people’s behavior. However, certain secondary causes may also contribute to such relationships.

Secondary Causes of Marital Infidelity

The spread of certain factors in our world today has contributed to the surge in the number of cases of marital infidelity. These include:

1. The internet

The internet has made it easier to communicate with people, so it can easily be used to enter romantic relationships under the belief that it is a simple method that cannot readily be discovered.

2. Absence from one’s partner

I do not mean emotional absence alone, but also physical absence imposed by circumstances such as traveling for work for extended periods, which creates a significant emotional void.

3. Pornography

Widely available pornography, which can easily be viewed on internet websites, is considered one of the leading causes of marital infidelity. A husband, for example, sees a particular kind of life, assumes it is normal, and seeks to put it into practice.

Signs of Marital Infidelity

Not every case of infidelity is discovered and confirmed, of course. However, certain changes may occur and indicate that something is wrong. One spouse may notice changes in the other’s behavior, as explained in the following points:

1. Changes in the sexual relationship

The intimate relationship is among the most private aspects of marriage, and each spouse certainly knows a great deal about the other within it. Any sudden, unexpected, and noticeable change may therefore be an indicator of that partner’s infidelity.

2. A noticeable and sudden change in habits

Not every change in this situation is negative. Some positive changes may be noticed in the partner, such as becoming kinder and more cooperative. There may also be negative changes, of course, such as one spouse continually criticizing the other and belittling them, even regarding qualities they previously appreciated.

Sudden behaviors may include the following:

• Staying away from home on the pretext of working longer hours.
• A noticeable change in appearance, either through unusually intense grooming or by choosing clothes that conflict with the person’s previous taste.
• The absence of conversation or even arguments.
• Using the phone and the internet more frequently in general, while taking excessive care to conceal any information about that use.

How to Respond to Marital Infidelity

First and foremost, you should know that there is no justification for infidelity and that society as a whole must reject this act by men and women without exception. A woman’s lack of attention to her husband does not justify his betrayal, and a man’s absence from his wife does not justify her having an emotional or physical relationship with another man.

In the following lines, we are therefore not explaining how to handle infidelity as though it were acceptable. Instead, we are offering guidance on the appropriate response so that you can reach a sound decision if you discover your partner’s infidelity.

1. Do not make hasty decisions

Discovering infidelity produces intense feelings of anger and shock, which negatively affect a person’s perception and ability to make decisions. You should therefore avoid making any decision while you are in that state.

If you need to separate temporarily from your partner until those feelings subside, then certainly do so.

2. Do not seek revenge

Amid the intense anger that accompanies the discovery of infidelity, some people may try to punish their partner by seeking revenge and damaging their reputation among others, such as family and friends. You may regret this later, so do not allow your feelings to drive you toward revenge.

3. Accept and acknowledge your feelings

You should acknowledge these feelings, despite how difficult they certainly are. Naming your feelings and identifying exactly what you feel toward yourself and your partner will help you make the appropriate decision.

4. Keep the children out of it

When marital infidelity is discovered, children should not be drawn into the situation in any way. Do not use them as intermediaries or as a means of pressuring the other person, because doing so will only cause them psychological harm, anxiety, and insecurity.

5. Understand the reason for the infidelity

There is certainly no justification, but certain reasons led the other person to be unfaithful, even if those reasons existed only in their perceptions. You should therefore understand those reasons clearly and thoroughly.

6. Consult experts

You may need to talk about what has happened to you and how you feel, so it is important to consult someone. This person could be a specialist, a psychotherapist, or someone whose sound judgment and perspective you trust.

7. Give yourself time

Do not make any decision while under pressure. You must give yourself time, however long it takes, so that you do not rush into a decision you may regret.

8. Look for practical solutions

If you decide to end the marriage, you must consider everything that follows. A wife, for example, needs to know where she will live, while a husband needs to understand his obligations toward his children and whether he will be able to fulfill them.

9. Listen to the other person

Listening to the other person helps you make a sound and final decision. Some wives, for example, become certain that separation is what they want and that it is the right decision when they speak to their husbands and find them denying or trivializing what they did. Try, therefore, to listen to your partner.

10. If you forgive, there must be conditions

We are not advocating any particular decision about infidelity. But if you decide to return and continue the relationship, you should begin a new chapter and not bring up the mistake again, especially during disagreements. The fundamental condition for continuing the relationship should be that each of you helps the other rebuild trust, if possible.

The causes of marital infidelity are therefore many, while the solution remains in observing God’s commands and prohibitions, which help us avoid taking any steps that could lead to it. We must also remember society’s role in refusing to create justifications for infidelity by either men or women. Finally, we ask God to improve our character and protect us from this disgraceful act.

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