Narcissistic Personality: Building Itself, Tearing Others Apart

Experiences cannot be discussed apart from the lessons learned from them or the nature of the impact they leave on others. So what, then, of “the painful experience of relationships with people who have narcissistic personality disorders”? To answer this, we should recall Amin Maalouf’s words in his novel Deadly Identities: “At every step in life, we encounter frustration, disappointment, and humiliation. How, then, could our personality not be torn apart?”

A person with narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an inability to form healthy relationships with others, while others experience difficulty forming a relationship with them. The difference is that the person with narcissistic personality disorder does not see this as a problem, whereas those around them do, and sometimes pay a high price. 

Narcissistic Personality Traits

Does a narcissistic person enjoy playing with other people’s feelings?

There is a belief that narcissistic people enjoy playing with others’ feelings. In reality, however, a truly narcissistic person does not take pleasure in playing with other people’s feelings, as is often claimed. A narcissistic person has a polished exterior but is damaged within. They are actually trying to conceal this inner damage by preserving their outward shine and image before others as much as possible, sometimes by trying to hurt or belittle them.

How Narcissistic Personality Traits Appear from the Outside

From our perspective, a person with a narcissistic personality appears:

• Polished,
•  
• charming in their presence and personality, with a distinctive charisma,
•  
• and eager to impress others, win their admiration, receive praise, and enhance their image in the eyes of the people around them, whether a partner, children, or colleagues at work.

But if this does not happen—if they do not receive the response they hope for from others, or if they are criticized—they become distressed, hurt, and upset and interpret this as a genuine offense against them. Sometimes they seek revenge, become intensely hostile toward those people, and may also hurt them. 

This is known as a narcissistic injury. The person does not actually take pleasure in it; rather, it is their natural reaction as they try to conceal or repair their inner damage and weakness. It is not a balanced, objective response to criticism or a perceived offense directed at them. 

Who Are the Victims of Toxic Relationships?

People who deal with narcissistic personalities are described as victims of toxic relationships. This applies to someone involved with a person who has one of the following disorders:

• narcissistic personality,
• borderline personality,
• and, to some extent, psychopathic personality;

These disorders make relationships with others draining and lead to violations of the other person’s rights. The role of the psychiatrist or psychotherapist should therefore extend beyond the person with the disorder to include everyone around them. Consequently, it is often the person reporting the harm and suffering who comes to the clinic, not necessarily the person with the disorder. The person reporting harm is the one most likely to be driven to madness by the other person. 

The role of psychiatrists in working with victims of narcissistic people

Diagnosing Narcissistic Personality

Women oppressed by narcissistic husbands may come to the clinic, or children may come feeling depressed because of their fathers’ narcissistic personalities. Although a patient or client may describe events or situations suggestive of a narcissistic personality, it is not the psychiatrist’s role to use the word “narcissistic” and assert it with certainty before that person has been medically assessed and diagnosed. Nor is it the psychiatrist’s role to express a personal opinion about the client’s social choices, such as whether to continue or end the relationship. The psychiatrist seeks only to strengthen the victim, help them recognize unhealthy situations they may encounter in the relationship, and explain that these situations may gradually erode their mental health. The person can then decide the course of the relationship for themselves.

It is therefore important not to label someone narcissistic at random or adopt this term without examination, careful assessment, or diagnosis by a psychiatrist. Listening to YouTube episodes or a radio program is not enough to conclude that the person we are dealing with is narcissistic. If a psychiatrist notices that a minor is in an abusive relationship with their mother or father, the psychiatrist’s role also includes notifying the Family Protection organization because the child cannot defend and protect themselves in this situation.

Who Are the Victims of Narcissistic People?

• The narcissistic partner

To identify the range of people affected by a narcissistic personality, it is important to note that narcissistic personality is not limited to romantic relationships. It is actually broader than that: there may be a narcissistic father, child, or manager. Superficial public discussion of narcissistic personality focuses only on the narcissistic partner and encourages the other person to flee the relationship quickly. In many cases, however, a person has narcissistic traits or characteristics without being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. In that situation, both people can preserve the relationship by establishing and respecting boundaries.

• The narcissistic father or mother

If a father or mother has a narcissistic personality within the family, this makes the development of narcissistic personality traits in the children more likely. The child may be raised to have every request met and not to empathize with others, and may one day lose empathy toward their parents as well. Matters may grow increasingly complicated: the child may become an extension of the narcissistic personality while simultaneously being a victim of one parent’s narcissistic personality. 

• Narcissistic Personality in the Workplace 

Narcissistic personality may also appear in the workplace. A person may be internally damaged and oppressed and try to repair their self-image by mistreating people who are weaker than them at work. We may see this, for example, in a manager who has been unable to fulfill themselves professionally and therefore belittles another employee—especially one with a weak personality—to elevate themselves and see themselves in a better light. In the workplace, there is also what is known as Hubris Syndrome, in which a person has reached an important new position and likes to be addressed by the new title and praised by others, while being unable to accept negative feedback. It commonly appears among heads of state, organizational leaders, and celebrities. 

Symptoms Experienced by Victims of Narcissistic Personalities

A broad range of psychological suffering may affect a victim of a narcissistic personality—that is, someone who deals with a narcissistic person.

• Anxiety,
• depression,
• feelings of insecurity,
• feelings of humiliation,
• and matters may progress to health and physical symptoms affecting the victim. 

It is worth noting that a narcissistic person tries to separate their partner from others, such as relatives, family members, and friends, in order to cut them off from the psychological support they might receive from those around them.

How to Protect Ourselves from a Narcissistic Personality

To protect ourselves, anyone who feels they are in an unhealthy relationship is always advised to tell friends and family about the relationship they are experiencing, share it with them, and seek their advice. Gathering different views may lead them to seek help and find social solutions on which a psychiatrist cannot offer an opinion. We should not allow pain to remain silent and isolated from others; instead, we should involve our support network so that it can help us with the situation and see matters clearly. 

Does a narcissistic person love?

After describing everything suffered by victims who deal with narcissistic personalities, it is important to show that certain personalities are drawn to narcissistic personalities. A dependent personality is generally the one most attracted to a narcissistic personality. At first, the person is dazzled by and admires the narcissistic personality. They then pour their emotions and hopes into that person and build a sense of protection and confidence through the relationship. 

A person with a dependent personality does not feel enough self-efficacy or self-confidence to leave the narcissistic person, even if subjected to abuse and humiliation. They try as much as possible to distance or reject anyone who attempts to help them end the relationship with the narcissistic person, whether family members, psychiatrists, or specialized organizations. Instead, they praise the narcissistic person, enhance that person’s image before others, and defend them.

There is certainly suffering in this relationship. The dependent personality offers praise and admiration and meets the other person’s narcissistic needs while feeling protected by the relationship. In return, the narcissistic personality feels satisfied and fulfilled simply from knowing that the dependent person cannot leave them.

The Narcissistic Person’s Responsibility for Their Actions

In psychology, a person with a personality disorder is considered ill, but before society and the law, they remain legally competent.. The disorder extends back to the roots of the person’s development. We empathize with them to some extent and make every effort to assist them, while recognizing that we may also be affected by them. People with these disorders have not lost their legal capacity; they are responsible for their actions and must bear the consequences. In some cases, encountering the law and other people’s reactions is the final factor that brings the person to treatment. This is because such people—particularly those with narcissistic personality disorder or a psychopathic personality—do not necessarily suffer themselves, but they clash with institutions, the law, and their relationships with colleagues at work. This is what ultimately leads them to agree to treatment, simply because they believe they are better than other people. 

To speak more precisely, especially about mental disorders, there are approximately 300 types of these disorders. Ten are known as personality disorders and form an integral part of the larger family. There is generally a difference between people with personality disorders and those with a transient mental disorder. A personality-related disorder involves traits and characteristics that have taken a course and pattern different from what society accepts. In other words, anxiety and depression are transient, whereas personality disorders extend to the roots of particular traits. These traits do not change greatly, or at least not by large proportions, with change not exceeding 20% or 30%. We are discussing people with particular patterns that differ from society’s expectations; this is not a temporary condition like delusions of grandeur. Not all ten of these disorders are burdensome to the people around those who have them, but four of them are sufficient to create obstacles and problems with others.