Cognitive Distortions: Is Your Brain Deceiving You?

Cognitive or perceptual distortions—a term used in psychology—are unhealthy habits in our thinking patterns that negatively affect our lives by generating negative feelings and shaping negative beliefs about ourselves and others.

The things we repeatedly tell ourselves help shape our self-image and the way we interact with the world around us.

Unfortunately, our thoughts can become so automatic that we regard them as facts, even when they are not true.

“Perceptual distortions” or “cognitive distortions” (link to Wikipedia) is a term used in psychology for the thoughts that arise when our brain convinces us of something that is not true.

These distortions often reinforce negative thoughts and feelings, which may lead to depression, anxiety, and mental illness. Fortunately, if we become aware of our cognitive distortions, we can learn to change our thinking patterns and thereby improve our quality of life.

 13 Things You Tell Yourself That Are Actually Cognitive Distortions

Here are 13 thoughts you may tell yourself that are actually cognitive distortions:

1. If you are not first, you are last.

Cognitive distortion: all-or-nothing thinking (polarized thinking)

This phrase was popularized by Will Ferrell’s character Ricky Bobby in the 2006 film Talladega Nights. Joking aside, believing that if you do not win, you are a loser is a form of all-or-nothing thinking. Also known as black-and-white thinking, this cognitive distortion sees everything as either black or white and fails to recognize all the shades of gray in between.

Another common saying that represents this kind of binary thinking is, “If this is not bad luck, then I have no luck at all.”

The truth is that every one of us has bad moments from time to time. Sometimes you succeed; other times you lose. Seeing everything in only one of two ways can limit your thinking and lead to negative feelings.

Cognitive reframing: I did not come in first, but third place is still very good. I am proud of myself, and I will try hard next time.

2. If I had been there for him or her then, this would not have happened.

Cognitive distortion: personalization

When we tell ourselves things like this, we assume responsibility for events that are actually beyond our control. This type of distorted thinking is called personalization.

When someone engages in personalization, they take everything personally and see themselves at the center of every situation.

The truth is that sad things sometimes happen to the people we love, and nothing we did or did not do could have changed what happened.

Cognitive reframing: I accept that some things are beyond my control and that there is nothing I can do to change them.

3. I always mess things up. I will never achieve anything in my life.

Cognitive distortion: overgeneralization

Whenever you use words such as “always,” “never,” or “everything,” you are probably overgeneralizing. If you make one mistake and immediately tell yourself, “I always mess things up,” “I never do anything right,” or “I will never improve,” it is time to take a close look at your thinking patterns.

The truth is that you cannot draw conclusions from one, two, or even three isolated events. Just because you have made one or two mistakes does not mean you are a failure.

Cognitive reframing: I have made a few mistakes, but I am learning. There is always room to improve.

4. Anything that can go wrong will definitely go wrong.

Cognitive distortion: fortune-telling (predicting the future)

We have all heard the saying known as “Sod’s Law” (a term used in the United Kingdom that corresponds to “Murphy’s Law” in North America, referring to a collection of rules that do not rise to the level of actual laws and are generally humorous and wryly pessimistic). This cognitive distortion is called fortune-telling, and using this saying involves arbitrarily predicting negative outcomes in the future.

In reality, the future holds many possibilities. Some outcomes are positive and others are negative. Would it not be better to feel hopeful and optimistic about the future instead of viewing it from a pessimistic angle?

Cognitive reframing: Every difficulty has a silver lining. Even if something unpleasant happens, there will still be things we can gain from the situation.

5. I am not good enough.

Cognitive distortion: labeling

This is something we may have said to ourselves once or twice in our lives. Telling ourselves that we are not good enough can undermine our self-confidence and stop us from taking risks or trying new things in life. Labeling is a harsh form of overgeneralization in which people describe themselves in negative terms.

The truth is that whether the phrase is “I am not good enough” or “I am a failure,” none of these statements will make you feel better about yourself. Try replacing these thoughts with positive affirmations, and work toward a balance that also acknowledges your strengths.

Cognitive reframing: I am a good person. I can show myself compassion and accept myself as I am.

 6. I should have... but...

Cognitive distortion: should statements

One example of this kind of thinking is, “I should have worn a black tie to the job interview; perhaps I would have gotten the job.”

If you find yourself using statements such as “I should have,” “I could have,” or “I ought to have,” then you have fallen into a cognitive distortion. Try reframing the situation to see what you can learn instead of focusing on what you “should” have done differently.

The truth is that should statements serve no purpose except to generate negative feelings such as guilt, shame, anger, or regret. We cannot change the past. Telling yourself that you should or could have done something does not change the fact that you did not do it.

Cognitive reframing: I did not..., but I cannot change the past. I can, however, learn from this experience and do something differently in the future.

7. I feel as though he lied to me, so he must have.

Cognitive distortion: emotional reasoning

Just because you feel a certain way does not mean that what you feel is true. For example, someone may feel afraid even though no real external danger exists.

A person engaging in emotional reasoning confuses feelings with reality. It is better to view the situation objectively and step back from your feelings before making any critical judgment.

The truth is that we have intuitions from time to time. Sometimes we have a gut feeling that turns out to be correct. But our feelings are not the same as reality.

Cognitive reframing: I have a feeling that he lied to me, but that does not necessarily mean he did. I will tell him how I feel and give him an opportunity to share his side of the story.

8. Misfortunes never come singly.

Cognitive distortion: magnification or catastrophizing

We have all heard the saying, “Misfortunes never come singly.” It can seem as though whenever one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. But many people caught in negative thinking take this idea too far.

Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that leads people to make a mountain out of a molehill. They magnify small matters and turn them into major ones, like someone who receives a poor grade on one exam and concludes that they will fail the entire course.

The truth is that a drizzle is not the same as a downpour.

Cognitive reframing: Yes, there was some rain during our camping trip, but at least it was not a thunderstorm.

9. It is all his or her fault.

Cognitive distortion: blaming

This cognitive distortion is the opposite of personalization. Instead of viewing things as “It is all because of me,” someone who engages in blaming becomes a victim who always sees the other person, rather than themselves, as the cause.

The truth is that, regardless of the situation you are in, it will never be entirely someone else’s doing. You will always have some degree of responsibility for the events that occur in your life. Instead of pointing the finger at someone else, take time to consider the part you played and accept full personal responsibility for your actions.

Cognitive reframing: I accept responsibility for my role in this situation.

10. I am certain that other people do not like me.

Cognitive distortion: mind reading

When someone engages in mind reading, they assume they are psychic and can read other people’s thoughts even when there is no external confirmation that this is true.

If you find yourself saying things such as, “I am certain that other people do not like me,” stop and examine the situation. Do you have any evidence that this is true?

The truth is that we cannot know what another person is thinking unless we ask them. If we believe that we do know, we are making assumptions based on our own insecurities.

Cognitive reframing: I cannot read other people’s minds. I may be projecting my own feelings of insecurity onto them.

11. I am not special. Anyone else could do what I do.

Cognitive distortion: minimizing

When someone falls into this cognitive distortion, it can seem as though they never do anything right because they continually minimize their achievements.

Unfortunately, the same person who minimizes everything good in their life will magnify and overgeneralize everything bad.

The truth is that it is natural to pat yourself on the back for your achievements. You deserve it. If you find yourself minimizing your strengths and talents, try changing your thinking and praising yourself instead.

Cognitive reframing: I worked hard to achieve what I have. It is natural for me to feel proud of myself.

12. If they have not called by now, the situation must be bad.

Cognitive distortion: jumping to conclusions

Jumping to conclusions and expecting the worst simply because time is passing will create only anxiety and other negative feelings within you. In these situations, it is better to be patient and realistic.

The truth is that jumping to conclusions before you have all the evidence is unlikely to produce an accurate conclusion anyway. You are only wasting your time and energy.

Cognitive reframing: The doctor has not called yet, but the clinic may be busy. I will wait until I hear something before making assumptions.

13. He complimented me, but he was only being kind.

Cognitive distortion: discounting the positive

It is common for people to have difficulty accepting compliments. Someone says, “I like your shirt,” and you reply, “This worn-out thing?”

Dismissing compliments is only the beginning for people who discount everything positive. People who think this negatively tend to minimize anything and everything positive in their lives.

The truth is that nothing is entirely negative or entirely positive. But by constantly ignoring the positive, you can dry up the sources of joy in your life and ultimately feel inadequate, extremely anxious, or simply miserable. Instead of discounting the positive, let it matter. Feel it within you and enjoy it. You will be glad you did.

Cognitive reframing: It feels good to receive a compliment. I am grateful for his kind words. In fact, there is a 50% chance that he is right.

What now? I really do fall into these cognitive distortions. What should I do?

If you recognize any of these thinking habits in yourself, do not worry—you can retrain your mind. Consider seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy to help you manage your thoughts, recognize cognitive distortions when they arise, and replace them with more positive and uplifting thoughts. (Alternatively, use self-help resources such as this blog.)

Source: Harley Therapy

Image: jannoon