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When a parent has a mental illness: supporting the child

Sultan AlmuhasinMedical review: Tatmeen team7 min read
طفل يجلس بين رجل وامرأة يضع كل منهما يده على رأسه، وخلفهم شق وظلال وجوه وخطوط متشابكة.
Article contents
  1. If the child is unsafe now
  2. Arrange care at home and school
  3. What should you tell the child?
  4. Love does not make a child responsible for treatment
  5. The child has separate needs too
  6. Frequently Asked Questions
  7. Sources and references
  8. Writer and reviewer

A child’s concern may be quite practical: “Who will collect me from school if Dad stays in hospital?” or “Can I go and play while Mum is unwell?” Alongside an explanation of the illness they can understand, they need to know what will happen in their day and who will look after them.

A parent’s mental illness alone does not determine their ability to provide care or predict their child’s future. They may continue many parenting tasks while needing help with some, or during a difficult period. Start with the care the child actually receives, and agree which adults can help when symptoms worsen.

If the child is unsafe now

If the care available cannot keep the child safe now, or someone is harming themselves or talking about wanting to die or harm themselves or others, seek urgent help. Move the child away from danger to a safe adult where possible. For medical emergencies in Saudi Arabia, call 997 or go to an emergency department. Report child abuse through 1919. Illness does not excuse harm, and a diagnosis does not mean harm is necessarily occurring. (Saudi Red Crescent Authority1; Ministry of Human Resources and Social Development2)

For immediate security threats, call 911 in Makkah, Madinah, Riyadh and Eastern regions, or 999 elsewhere. Do not confront someone threatening you or the child alone. (Saudi Press Agency3)

Arrange care at home and school

Decide who will prepare meals, stay with the child, take them to school, follow up on medical care and listen when they need to talk. Discuss which tasks the parent can continue and which have become difficult. They might still be able to read a story or have a daily conversation while needing help with school transport. Tell the treating team about their parenting needs so treatment and child care can be coordinated, with appropriate privacy.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists4 explains that a child may worry, misunderstand events or carry more caregiving responsibilities than peers. Having an affected family member does not mean the child will inevitably develop a mental illness.

A note for difficult days

Name adults who have actually agreed to help, then identify the task and backup. Keep the note available when needed:

The child’s need Usual responsible adult Backup adult and how to contact them
After-school supervision and food … …
Travel to or collection from school … …
An appointment or the child’s prescribed medicine … …
Listening and protecting time for play/rest … …
A safe place to stay if care cannot be provided … …

One person need not cover everything. A relative might agree to prepare meals, another to handle transport, while a named adult coordinates. Tell the child what you have arranged, and reconsider it if needs change or someone can no longer help. If safe support is unavailable, seek health or social support. Do not make the child the last remaining backup.

What should you tell the child?

Explain changes affecting their day honestly and at an appropriate level. Avoid frightening details or promising a recovery date you do not know. For example: “Mum has an illness that is leaving her with little energy at the moment, and she is getting help. You did not cause it. Your aunt will collect you from school, and I’m arranging meals.”

For an older child, naming the condition may be appropriate. Answer questions gradually and leave room for them to talk; they do not have to understand everything in one conversation. If they ask when the parent will be back to their usual self and you do not know, say so, then explain what you do know about tomorrow’s care. You may need to repeat that the parent’s changing mood is not the child’s fault, and that they can love their parent while also feeling angry or frightened about something that happened.

Do not ask the child to reassure you that they are fine, burden them with adult conflicts or demand secrecy that prevents help-seeking. Respecting a parent’s privacy is compatible with a child speaking to a trusted adult about needs and worries.

Love does not make a child responsible for treatment

A child can help with suitable household tasks or choose a pleasant visit or conversation when safe. Adults, in coordination with the treating team, are responsible for managing treatment and medicines, assessing crisis risks, taking preventive steps and responding. The child is not responsible for preventing self-harm or keeping the parent calm. Nor should maintaining family stability require missing school or sleep.

If the child already does these things, acknowledge their efforts and transfer responsibility to an adult. Simply saying “stop helping” without an alternative may increase fear. Explain who will take over, which safe adult they can approach and where to go if frightened. The child can ask for help and move away from danger; they do not have to stay to calm the parent or stop the crisis.

The child has separate needs too

Ask about school, friends and play, not just the parent. Changes in sleep or schoolwork, persistent worry or withdrawal from favourite activities may warrant discussion with a pediatrician or child mental health professional. Treating the parent matters but does not automatically replace support for the child.

Coordinate necessary information with the school and identify an adult the child can approach. Every member of staff does not need the family’s details. For health advice about where to begin, Saudi Arabia’s Ministry of Health provides 937 around the clock. (Ministry of Health5)

Even on a day when an explanation is difficult, the child can know two practical things: who will look after them and whom to approach for help. Adults remain responsible for arranging care and support, while the child still has time for school, friends and rest alongside their relationship with the parent.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can a parent with a mental illness still look after their child?

A parent's mental illness alone does not determine their ability to provide care or predict their child's future. They may continue many parenting tasks while needing help with some, or during a difficult period. Start with the care the child actually receives, and agree which adults can help when symptoms worsen.

How does a parent's mental illness affect a child?

A child may worry, misunderstand events or carry more caregiving responsibilities than peers. Having an affected family member does not mean the child will inevitably develop a mental illness. Changes in sleep or schoolwork, persistent worry or withdrawal from favourite activities may warrant discussion with a pediatrician or child mental health professional. Treating the parent does not automatically replace support for the child.

How do I explain a parent's mental illness to a child?

Explain the changes affecting their day honestly and at an appropriate level, without frightening details or a recovery date you do not know. For example: “Mum has an illness that is leaving her with little energy at the moment, and she is getting help. You did not cause it.” Tell them who will look after them. If you do not know when the parent will be back to their usual self, say so.

Is a child responsible for caring for a parent with a mental illness?

No. Adults, in coordination with the treating team, are responsible for managing treatment and medicines and responding to a crisis. The child is not responsible for preventing self-harm or keeping the parent calm. They can help with suitable household tasks or choose a pleasant visit when safe. If they already do these things, acknowledge their efforts and transfer responsibility to an adult.

What should I do if the child is not safe at home?

If the care available cannot keep the child safe now, or someone is harming themselves or talking about wanting to die or harm themselves or others, seek urgent help. Move the child away from danger to a safe adult where possible. For medical emergencies in Saudi Arabia, call 997 or go to an emergency department. Report child abuse through 1919. For immediate security threats, call 911 in Makkah, Madinah, Riyadh and Eastern regions, or 999 elsewhere. Do not confront someone threatening you or the child alone.

Writing and article review

Sultan AlmuhasinWritten bySultan Almuhasin

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, working on Arabic and English articles across mental health and everyday life topics, including relationships, stress, work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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