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How do I deal with someone I think is narcissistic?

Fahad AlmalikMedical review: Tatmeen team7 min read
امرأة ترفع كفها أمام رجل يشير إليها بإصبعه، في رسم أزرق على خلفية فاتحة.
Article contents
  1. Identify the behavior and its effect on your life
  2. A boundary you can use when talking is safe
  3. When distancing yourself is difficult
  4. If children are being harmed
  5. Promises of treatment and changes in behavior
  6. Frequently Asked Questions
  7. Sources and references
  8. Writer and reviewer

An argument may start with a simple request: time to rest, room for a different opinion or your share of the household budget. Then it becomes a conversation about your faults, and you find yourself explaining why you had the right to ask at all. When that keeps happening, describing the behavior and identifying what you need can help. You do not have to establish the other person's diagnosis before taking harm seriously or seeking support.

If you are in immediate danger in Saudi Arabia, call the police on 999. Move to a safer place if you can do so without additional danger. For domestic violence and child protection reports, 1919 is available free of charge2 around the clock. Do not wait for someone to agree to treatment or for their diagnosis to be confirmed before seeking protection.

Identify the behavior and its effect on your life

You might say, “They punish me when I refuse.” What happens specifically? Do they take time to calm down and then return to the conversation, or do they threaten you, withhold money or prevent contact with people you trust? Details help you and anyone supporting you understand the problem. The distinction between a painful disagreement and control or abuse does not depend on a psychiatric label.

Notice what keeps happening and its effect on your freedom to choose:

  • Does disagreeing turn into insults or ridicule?
  • Are your private information or fears used to pressure you?
  • Do you fear the response if you say “no,” need time or ask for help?
  • Are there threats, assaults or pressure to do something against your will?

Bring these concerns to someone who can help. Abuse can happen with or without a diagnosis. NPD requires a professional assessment of a long-term pattern3; an account of an argument or an online video cannot establish it.

A boundary you can use when talking is safe

A boundary states what you will do if a particular behavior occurs. That might mean ending a discussion, declining an extra task or shortening a visit. Choose something you can safely put into practice. If the other person prevents you or threatens you, that is not your fault.

In a conversation about the household budget, for example, you might say:

“I want us to agree on the budget. If the conversation turns into insults, I'll stop this discussion, and we can return to it when we can talk calmly.”

This example is for a situation in which you can safely end the conversation. If you expect threats, retaliation or being prevented from leaving, do not use confrontation or announce boundaries to test their response. Seek separate support to assess safety and your options. No phrase guarantees a safe confrontation.

At work, a practical step might be asking for responsibilities in writing, clarifying who makes a decision or raising a specific concern with an appropriate manager, taking your circumstances and workplace procedures into account. For example: “We agreed I would handle this part, but the assignment changed without telling me. I need the responsibilities confirmed before the next deadline.” Focus on what happened and its effect on the work rather than trying to establish that a colleague is narcissistic.

When distancing yourself is difficult

Children, housing, money or work may connect you to the person. You may be able to end a conversation without being able to leave the relationship now. You can seek support before deciding whether to stay or leave. A safety plan reflects your circumstances4 and may need to change as they do; “leave immediately” or “wait until they get treatment” cannot cover every situation.

Choose a feasible step: talking to someone you trust, contacting a protection service separately when abuse is present, or having your own session to think through your options. It may help to name a practical constraint, such as “I don't have anywhere to go right now,” so support starts with your actual circumstances.

If you fear your device is monitored, look for a safer way to communicate4 in your situation. Private browsing alone does not guarantee that activity is hidden. Do not save notes or a plan on a device if their discovery could put you at risk.

You can begin asking for help with this statement, without completing a form or collecting evidence first:

“This behavior keeps happening: _. I fear _ could happen if I object or try to leave. I need help choosing a safe step for myself and the people who depend on me.”

This opens a conversation about your needs. Assessing danger and developing a suitable safety plan requires more support than this statement alone can provide.

If children are being harmed

Take harm or threats to a child seriously and seek protection support. The 1919 service states that it receives reports of child abuse2 both within and outside the family. Do not wait for the adult's diagnosis, and do not make a child a mediator or responsible for stopping violence.

For custody matters and legal obligations, seek advice from a qualified professional who understands the situation and applicable law. Calling someone narcissistic does not determine their legal rights or capacity.

Promises of treatment and changes in behavior

Someone may suggest therapy after an apology or an argument. Treatment may help them address their difficulties, but attending sessions alone cannot tell you whether the relationship is safe. Look at ordinary days and moments of disagreement: have the insults stopped? Can you refuse a request without threats? Do they take responsibility without blaming you? Does that continue after the period of apologizing has passed?

These observations can help you understand the situation; they do not guarantee that harm will not recur. You are not required to accept a harmful relationship in exchange for a promise of treatment or a request for another chance. If you want to understand the options or discuss a voluntary invitation, read about treatment and what to expect, while continuing to seek the support you need.

When there is violence, control or fear of retaliation, do not make a joint session the starting point. What you disclose may be used against you later. Seek separate support to assess safety. A specialist domestic violence service warns against couples counseling5 with an abusive spouse for this reason.

Your own sessions can give you time to talk about what happened, its effects and the decisions you are considering. That time does not have to become another attempt to understand or fix the other person. Your needs can be the focus.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if someone is really narcissistic?

Narcissistic personality disorder requires a professional assessment of a long-term pattern; an account of an argument or an online video cannot establish it. It helps more to identify the behavior and its effect: Does disagreeing turn into insults or ridicule? Are your private information or fears used to pressure you? Do you fear the response if you say “no”? Abuse can happen with or without a diagnosis, and you do not have to establish one before seeking support.

How do I set boundaries with a narcissistic person?

A boundary states what you will do if a particular behavior occurs, such as ending a discussion, declining an extra task or shortening a visit. Choose something you can safely put into practice, for example: “If the conversation turns into insults, I'll stop this discussion, and we can return to it when we can talk calmly.” If you expect threats, retaliation or being prevented from leaving, do not use confrontation or boundaries to test their response; seek separate support to assess safety.

What should I do if the person threatens or harms me?

If you are in immediate danger in Saudi Arabia, call the police on 999, and move to a safer place if you can do so without additional danger. For domestic violence and child protection reports, 1919 is available free of charge around the clock. Do not wait for the person to agree to treatment or for their diagnosis to be confirmed before seeking protection. You can seek support before deciding whether to stay or leave.

Can a narcissistic person change with treatment?

Treatment may help them address their difficulties, but attending sessions alone cannot tell you whether the relationship is safe. Look at ordinary days and moments of disagreement: Have the insults stopped? Can you refuse a request without threats? Do they take responsibility without blaming you? Does that continue after the period of apologizing has passed? You are not required to accept a harmful relationship in exchange for a promise of treatment.

Is couples counseling a good idea with a narcissistic partner?

When there is violence, control or fear of retaliation, do not make a joint session the starting point; what you disclose may be used against you later. Seek separate support to assess safety first. Your own sessions can give you time to talk about what happened, its effects and the decisions you are considering. Your needs can be the focus, rather than another attempt to understand or fix the other person.

Writing and article review

Fahad AlmalikWritten byFahad Almalik

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, writing in Arabic and English about mental health and everyday life, from relationships and stress to work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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