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Violence between children: what to do during and after hitting

Fahad AlmalikMedical review: Tatmeen team7 min read
طفل يجلس مطأطئ الرأس عند جدار، وخلفه طفلان يتدافعان وأطفال آخرون في ساحة لعب.
Article contents
  1. In the moment, protect the children first
  2. Once everyone is safe, hear each child separately
  3. Is this conflict, bullying or an emergency?
  4. What can the children learn afterwards?
  5. Prevent repetition instead of relying on a lecture
  6. Frequently Asked Questions
  7. Sources and references
  8. Writer and reviewer

When a child pushes or hits another child, they need an adult to stop the harm. Help the injured child first, then find out what happened once everyone is safe. Do not leave them to “work it out themselves” or make the hurt child responsible for stopping the attack.

Two children might fight over a toy, or one child might repeatedly target another using physical strength or group influence. Both require intervention1, but their follow-up plans differ. Do not dismiss an injury because it happened once, or assume every fight is bullying.

In the moment, protect the children first

Approach calmly and be clear: “I'm stopping the hitting. We're moving apart now.” Separate the children and move them away from an object or place exposing them to harm, if it is safe to do so. Ask another adult for help when needed. Do not ask a younger child to separate those fighting, or put yourself or others at risk by trying to grab a weapon.

Attend to the injured child and check whether they need medical care. Severe bleeding, loss of consciousness, breathing difficulty or a serious injury requires an ambulance: 997 in Saudi Arabia. For a weapon or an immediate threat of serious harm, call security emergency services: 911 in Makkah, Madinah, Riyadh3 and Eastern regions, and 999 in the remaining regions4.

Do not begin an investigation while everyone is crying or shouting. Do not hit the child to teach them not to hit, or humiliate them publicly. A firm limit can stop harm5 without copying it.

Once everyone is safe, hear each child separately

Start openly: “Tell me what happened.” Then ask what happened before the hitting, who was present and whether anything similar has happened before. Do not bring the children together to make one prove their account in front of the other, or demand an immediate apology or handshake to close the matter.

Reassure the child who was hurt: “I'll stay with you now and help you.” Listen without suggesting they deserved to be hit. If they hit back, discuss that later. They still need protection, and hitting back does not make the whole incident their fault.

To the child who hit, say: “You can be angry, but I won't allow hitting. What happened before you hit?” Understanding the cause helps prevent repetition; it does not excuse harm. A young child may struggle to express themselves after a toy is taken. With an older child, ask about exclusion, threats and group dynamics too. Do not reduce the cause to an inherently “violent personality” or one parental mistake.

Is this conflict, bullying or an emergency?

What you know What the response needs
A conflict without an apparent power imbalance or targeting pattern Protection and limits, followed by adult-supported conflict skills.
Repeated or potentially repeated aggression using physical or social power to control another child An adult-led bullying protection plan; no mediation that assumes equal power.
A weapon, serious injury, credible threat or sexual assault Urgent medical or security assistance; do not wait for classification or a school meeting.

In bullying, power can come from numbers, popularity6 or an ability to embarrass someone, rather than body size alone. You do not have to witness repeated incidents before acting.

What can the children learn afterwards?

If two young children fight over a toy, establish safety first. Once they settle, help them take turns using words they understand: “It's their turn now, then yours. I'll stay with you both.” Keep the wait short enough for them to manage. If one cannot wait, change the play arrangement while continuing to supervise. Make sure hitting does not result in getting the toy while the other child is told to leave.

The child who was hurt can practise saying “Stop” with you and moving towards a familiar adult, if they can do that safely. Agree on the person and place, with a backup if help is unavailable. Do not send them back to the place of harm to test their courage. Practice helps them ask for protection; adults are responsible for providing it.

For the child who hurt someone, make the alternative specific: asking for help, stepping away from the toy briefly, or communicating a need with words or an appropriate gesture. Once calm, they can help repair damage in a suitable way, without requiring the hurt child to meet them or accept an apology.

Prevent repetition instead of relying on a lecture

If hitting happens at school or a club, discuss who will supervise the setting, how the child will seek help and what happens if it recurs. Record incidents, injuries and the child's account for the responsible organisation instead of posting them in a parents' group. Follow up: Has the harm stopped? Can the child use the setting safely?

Repeated or severe aggression needs assessment5 by a doctor or professional who works with children, particularly if you cannot maintain others' safety. The aim is to understand the child and their environment and teach alternatives while protection continues. Do not wait for them to “grow out of it.”

For abuse of children under 18, inside or outside the family, Saudi Arabia's family protection reporting centre 1919 receives reports around the clock7. Immediate medical or security danger still requires the appropriate emergency service first.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I do when a child hits another child?

Stop the harm first. Approach calmly and be clear: “I'm stopping the hitting. We're moving apart now.” Separate the children and move them away from whatever is exposing them to harm, if it is safe to do so, and ask another adult for help when needed. Help the injured child first, then find out what happened once everyone is safe. Do not leave them to “work it out themselves” or make the hurt child responsible for stopping the attack.

When should I call an ambulance or emergency services after children fight?

Call an ambulance on 997 in Saudi Arabia for severe bleeding, loss of consciousness, breathing difficulty or a serious injury. For a weapon or an immediate threat of serious harm, call security emergency services: 911 in Makkah, Madinah, Riyadh and Eastern regions, and 999 in the remaining regions. A sexual assault also needs urgent medical or security assistance. Do not wait for classification or a school meeting, and do not put yourself or others at risk by trying to grab a weapon.

How can I tell if children hitting is bullying or just a conflict?

Look at power and pattern. A conflict, such as a fight over a toy, has no apparent power imbalance or targeting pattern. Bullying is repeated or potentially repeated aggression in which one child uses physical or social power to control another. That power can come from numbers, popularity or an ability to embarrass someone, rather than body size alone. You do not have to witness repeated incidents before acting.

Should I hit a child to teach them not to hit?

No. Do not hit the child to teach them not to hit, or humiliate them publicly; a firm limit can stop harm without copying it. Say: “You can be angry, but I won't allow hitting. What happened before you hit?” Understanding the cause helps prevent repetition, but it does not excuse harm. Then make the alternative specific: asking for help, stepping away from the toy briefly, or using words.

When does a child who hits others need a professional assessment?

Repeated or severe aggression needs assessment by a doctor or professional who works with children, particularly if you cannot maintain others' safety. The aim is to understand the child and their environment and teach alternatives while protection continues. Do not wait for them to “grow out of it,” and do not reduce the cause to an inherently “violent personality.”

Writing and article review

Fahad AlmalikWritten byFahad Almalik

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, writing in Arabic and English about mental health and everyday life, from relationships and stress to work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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