The Pursuit of Perfect Parenting

What is parenting?

Parenting is a process involving the efforts and activities undertaken by caregivers, such as parents, to raise a person who can engage with themselves and their community in a healthy way while preserving the values they hold. Parenting is not limited to one area but extends to cultural, social, physical, and other aspects. The role of caregivers, however, is to strive to provide positive parenting so they can raise a healthy person who is able to integrate into and contribute to the advancement of their community.

Unfortunately, there are some common mistakes that parents believe will make them perfect mothers and fathers if they follow them, including:

• First: believing that meeting all their children’s needs and wants makes them perfect mothers and fathers. 
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• Second: believing that being perfect means never allowing their children to feel sad.
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• Third: spending most of their time with their children, playing with them, and sharing quality time with them for long periods.
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• Fourth: constant love between parents and their children.
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• Fifth: believing that perfect parenting means always giving, never letting their children go without, and never making them feel deprived.

What are the characteristics of perfect parenting?

It is good for parents to listen to and understand their children’s needs and feelings. It is also important to spend time with and love them. But as the popular saying goes, “Anything in excess becomes a shortcoming.” As the psychologist Winnicott says, “The best kind of parenting is good-enough parenting.” This means it is good to listen and meet children’s basic needs, such as food, drink, warmth, and love.

Some needs can be postponed or never met. Some adolescents have many requests, such as wearing international designer brands, owning the latest phones, having money, and other requests.

Parents can meet some of their children’s requests if they feel those requests are reasonable and they are able to fulfill them. But if parents believe a child’s request is not reasonable, even if they can afford it, it is important to talk with their children about the values they would like them to acquire, such as moderation, saving, giving, and contentment, as well as values that help us feel alive beyond material things.

How do we achieve perfect parenting?

It is important to listen to children’s needs, but it is a mistake to meet them all because this makes them think the world is perfect and that all their wants and needs will be met. In reality, however, the world is full of disappointment and frustration.

Parents should therefore prepare and teach their children how to deal with the real world. Children should also not be prevented from experiencing difficult feelings such as sadness, anger, disappointment, and others, because these feelings are an integral part of human life. They should therefore learn how to express and ultimately cope with these feelings.

We should note that everyone has limited energy. It is good to give children a little, or sometimes not give them anything, because this teaches them independence and the ability to rely on themselves. Download the Tatmeen app from Google Play or the App Store to receive a mental health consultation or access self-help exercises.