At the age of 18 months, the first stage of adolescence begins. The child understands that they can control and influence their surroundings, becomes self-centered, and feels a sense of omnipotence. It is important to understand that tantrums in children are a developmental stage every child must pass through. We should therefore handle them wisely and patiently. We should not give in to the child or fear their reactions during tantrums, enter into a power struggle with them, or believe that we must discipline and break their will.

How can we respond when our child has a tantrum?

First, we need to remain calm and take a deep breath before responding, so that we can recognize our child’s needs and then communicate with them. We can use phrases such as, “Do you want to decide for yourself?” or “Do you want to play?” We need to be able to describe the child’s feelings. This matters because when we understand what we feel or what another person feels, we can better contain and handle that feeling. To do this, we can say things such as, “Are you upset because Mom does not want to give you chocolate?” “Are you angry because you wanted to decide for yourself?” or “Were you bothered because Mom decided that we had to leave?”

How do we show empathy toward the child?

We should show empathy and say, “You have every right to feel upset, bothered, and angry.” At the same time, we should explain our feelings and needs as parents and help the child understand that we act this way because we love them and worry about them. We can say, “Your mother loves you and worries that your teeth may develop cavities. We are afraid that you may hurt yourself if you hold the knife. We tell you this because our role as your parents is to protect and care for you.” We should ask the child to do tasks rather than command them. We can say, “What do you think about putting the chocolate in your drawer and saving it until tomorrow? For now, you can choose a piece of fruit or some cornflakes. What do you think about using a toy knife so we can play a fruit game in which you cut the fruit while I use the grown-up knife? What do you think about going home and choosing what we will play?”

It is important to recognize that parenting is not easy and requires patience and calm, as well as an understanding of our children’s nature and needs. A tantrum is a stage many children experience, and we need to be aware of it because handling this stage incorrectly may cause it to remain with the child until an older age. It is therefore important for parents to follow the previous steps, and I assure you that the tantrums will decrease noticeably. Remember that we do not have to meet all our children’s needs, but we do need to acknowledge that those needs exist. I must understand that my child is upset and distressed because they did not eat the chocolate, and I must tell them that I understand their distress. However, I do not have to meet that need by giving them a large amount of chocolate, because doing so may harm them.


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