Casey is tired of returning to her apartment every day. She feels as though her apartment drains more of her energy than her job does. It is not because the apartment is unpleasant or because someone else lives with her; Casey lives alone. The reason is that Casey's apartment is a complete mess. Every Friday, she promises herself that she will finish all the cleaning and tidying before Monday arrives. But every weekend, she finds something more important to do.

 

Silas knows that he needs to stop drinking alcohol. He has been arriving at work later each Monday because of the effects of drinking. It has not caused problems with his boss, but Silas can see that it is getting worse as the year progresses.

 

Beth and James are a busy married couple and the parents of two boys. They work hard together to care for their children and earn a living. Overall, their life is good. Yet each of them secretly feels that their marriage is monotonous and unfulfilling. “Something isn't right,” Beth tells herself. “I feel bored,” James tells himself. They both know that they need to say something to the other, but neither wants to risk making matters worse or hurting the other person.

 

All of us neglect ourselves in one way or another from time to time. We could say that the harm we cause by neglecting ourselves is far greater than any neglect we may experience from others.

 

Read about the most common forms of self-neglect below, and notice whether any of them appear in your life.

 

Common examples of self-neglect:

 

—Not doing an activity that you know makes you happy.

—Settling for an unstimulating job or difficult circumstances.

—Eating an unhealthy diet.

—Not getting enough sleep or rest.

—Not developing a talent you know you have.

—Engaging excessively in an activity that harms your body and affects your emotional health, such as smoking or using drugs—for example, Silas's alcohol use.

—Focusing heavily on other people's needs while leaving your own unmet.

—Not getting enough physical activity.

—Not expressing your personal views.

—Overloading your schedule until you have no free time left.

—Settling for very little joy and pleasure in your life.

—Neglecting to address the sources of your unhappiness, as in the examples of Casey, Beth, and James.

—Devoting too little time, effort, and money to caring for your appearance, which is a likely source of self-esteem.

—Depriving yourself of the freedom and enjoyment that spending time in nature gives you.

 

Have you neglected yourself in these or other ways? If so, rest assured that you are in good company alongside many other people!

For a moment, try to imagine treating a child the way you currently treat yourself or your body. Would you deprive a child of enjoyment? Of vegetables and fruit? Fun? Nice clothes? Expressing their views? Fresh air and exercise? Then why treat yourself or your body this way?

 

The beginning of a new year is a good time to stop neglecting yourself and give yourself the time, attention, and effort you need and deserve.

 

Five steps to address self-neglect:

 

1. Identify the areas in which you are neglecting yourself.

2. Write down each one separately. Seeing them in writing will make them appear more real and clear, while creating a record you can return to at any time.

3. Choose one area from your list—working on one area at a time gives you a greater chance of success—and promise yourself that you will improve it this year.

4. Focus on this goal. Pay attention whenever you fail to do what is best for you and your body.

5. Track your progress in your journal or on your phone. You can download the change worksheet from here. (These files are available free of charge on Dr. Jonice Webb's website.)

 

Imagine that Casey, Silas, Beth, and James followed the five steps. Imagine that Casey cleaned her apartment and established a system for keeping it clean. Imagine that her home became the comfortable and cheerful place it should be.

 

The deep roots of self-neglect often stem from a sense of being undeserving. In some way, you do not feel that you deserve the effort involved in caring for yourself.

 

Just as Silas can take charge of his life, Beth and James can face their problems and make their marriage warm and happy. With enough motivation, effort, and perseverance, you can address your self-neglect this year.

 

You deserve it.

Author: Dr. Jonice Webb

Photographer: Derina Ahmed