Over the past ten years, I have led research on self-compassion and discovered that people who are compassionate toward themselves rarely experience depression, anxiety, or stress. They are also happier, more resilient, and more optimistic about their future. In short, they have better mental health.

 

The power of self-compassion is not just an idea—it is real and manifests in our bodies. When we soothe our pain, we draw on the mammalian caregiving system. One of the most important ways this system works is by releasing oxytocin in the body. One study indicates that higher oxytocin levels strengthen feelings of trust, calm, safety, tolerance, and connection, while increasing our ability to feel warmth and compassion toward ourselves. Oxytocin is released in many social situations, including when a mother breastfeeds her baby, when parents interact with their young children, or when someone gives or receives a gentle, affectionate touch. Because thoughts and emotions have the same effect on our bodies whether they are directed toward ourselves or others, this study suggests that self-compassion can be a powerful trigger for oxytocin release.

 

Self-criticism appears to have very different effects on our bodies. The amygdaloid body (amygdala) is the oldest part of the brain and is designed to detect dangers around us quickly. When we face a dangerous situation, the fight-or-flight response is activated: the amygdala sends signals that raise blood pressure and levels of adrenaline and the hormone cortisol, providing the strength and energy needed to confront or avoid the danger. Although this system evolved to deal with physical attacks, it is activated in the same way to deal with emotional attacks, whether they come from ourselves or others. A recent study indicates that generating feelings of self-compassion lowers cortisol levels.

In a study led by Helen Rockliff and her colleagues, researchers asked participants to imagine receiving compassion and to feel it in their bodies. Each time, they were given prompts such as, “Allow yourself to feel that you are receiving great compassion; allow yourself to feel the love and affection that are there for you.” Participants who received these instructions showed lower cortisol levels after the visualization than participants in the comparison group. They also showed increased heart rate variability afterward. The safer people feel, the more open and flexible they are in responding to their surroundings, and the degree to which heart rate varies in response to stimuli reflects this. We could therefore say that by offering themselves compassion, the participants' hearts opened and they became less defensive.

 

When we soothe our painful feelings with the balm of self-compassion, we change not only our mental and emotional experience but also our body chemistry. Another effective aspect of practicing self-compassion, then, is drawing on our bodies' self-healing system through physical sensations.

 

This means that one simple way to soothe and comfort yourself when you feel bad is through gentle touch. It may seem silly at first, but your body does not know that. It simply responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds when held in its mother's arms. Remember, physical contact releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol, and calms cardiovascular stress. So why not try it? If you notice that you feel tense, uncomfortable, or self-critical, try giving yourself a hug, gently stroking your arm or face, or softly rocking your body. The important thing is to make a clear gesture that expresses love, care, and tenderness. If other people are around, you can fold your arms inconspicuously and gently squeeze yourself in a soothing, comforting way. Notice how your body feels after receiving a hug or gentle touch. Has it become warmer, softer, and calmer? It is remarkable how easy it is to draw on the mammalian caregiving system and change your biochemical experience.

 

Author: Dr. Kristin Neff

Photographer: Pixabay