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Self-compassion and the body: do you have to feel calm immediately?

Alanoud AlturkiMedical review: Tatmeen team6 min read
امرأة تغلق حاسوبًا محمولًا وتمسك بطانية على الأريكة بجانب مكتب ونافذة.
Article contents
  1. What is useful today?
  2. You can stop an uncomfortable exercise
  3. What did the experiments measure?
  4. Frequently Asked Questions
  5. Sources and references
  6. Writer and reviewer

You may speak kindly to yourself and still feel tense. Imagining someone comforting you may even feel uncomfortable. The absence of immediate calm does not establish that you are practising self-compassion incorrectly. You do not need to watch your pulse to decide whether you treated yourself more kindly.

The two experiments discussed below found that some self-compassion exercises can be accompanied by bodily changes2, and that responses are not uniform1. They do not establish that the effects continue afterwards. These are findings from specific experiments, rather than a home test of your mental health.

What is useful today?

Suppose you say, “I didn't finish what I planned today,” rather than “I'm useless.” You may still feel tense while describing the problem more fairly. You can then prioritise essential work, ask for help or rest when your energy is gone. Those choices can be kinder to you even while distress remains.

Look at what you are doing. Are you repeating an insult, or acknowledging the difficulty and your capacity? Does the exercise support you, or has it become another demand to calm down immediately? Pulse and cortisol readings cannot answer those questions.

You can stop an uncomfortable exercise

Do not force yourself to imagine compassion or touch your body to prove that you can become calm. You can leave imagery aside, use a realistic sentence such as “This is a difficult day; I'll choose what I can do now,” or ask for support you feel comfortable with.

If distress is severe or persistent, discuss your experience with a professional rather than repeating an exercise that makes it worse. Self-compassion does not replace assessment or care for a health problem. Someone else may find the practice comforting, but that does not mean you need to continue it.

What did the experiments measure?

To understand a claim such as “Self-compassion calms the body,” we need to know the exercise used, who took part and when measurements were taken. Those details determine what a result can establish.

Rockliff’s experiment: different responses in one session

In 2008, Helen Rockliff and colleagues studied 22 healthy volunteers1 in Derby, England. The sequence was fixed: relaxation, imagining receiving compassion, imagining making a sandwich as a comparison, then compassion imagery again. Researchers monitored the heart and took saliva samples after relaxation, before the first imagery exercise, and after the imagery sequence.

Heart-rate variability concerns differences in the intervals between heartbeats; it is not heart rate itself. Several factors affect it, and it is not a number that measures how much you love yourself.

What researchers found How to interpret it
Heart-rate variability increased in 11 participants during compassion imagery compared with sandwich imagery, and decreased in 11 others. Responses were not uniform. Participants were grouped according to the response observed, rather than randomly allocated to two treatment groups.
The overall analysis found a statistically significant cortisol decline between saliva samples. The final sample followed the whole imagery sequence, so the decline cannot be attributed to compassion alone.

Average cortisol declined in both groups, but the decline within a group was statistically significant only in the group whose heart-rate variability increased. That might appear to mean this group benefited more. However, the comparison of how much cortisol changed in the two groups was not statistically significant1. This result cannot establish that the effect differed between them.

Data from the second compassion exercise were excluded because of boredom and tiredness1. Breathing and muscle tension were not measured. The study did not measure oxytocin or test self-hugging or placing a hand on the chest. It therefore cannot establish a general claim that compassion releases a “safety hormone” or that a different practice will produce the same result.

A later experiment: changes during the exercise, limits afterwards

Kirschner and colleagues’ 2019 study randomly allocated 135 UK students to five groups, including two audio self-compassion exercises and comparisons involving rumination, neutral attention and positive excitement. During the compassion exercises, patterns included lower heart rate and skin conductance2 and higher heart-rate variability.

However, physiological differences between groups were not found in the brief resting measurement after the exercise. Participants were selected healthy students; current depression was an exclusion criterion, and breathing was not measured. The findings support the possibility of a response during a particular exercise, rather than guaranteeing a lasting effect, treatment of a disorder or a similar response for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to still feel tense after a self-compassion exercise?

It can happen, and responses are not uniform. The absence of immediate calm does not establish that you are practising self-compassion incorrectly, and imagining someone comforting you may even feel uncomfortable. A choice can be kinder to you even while distress remains. You do not need to watch your pulse to decide whether you treated yourself more kindly.

Does self-compassion calm the body?

Some self-compassion exercises can be accompanied by bodily changes, but responses are not uniform. In Rockliff’s 2008 experiment, heart-rate variability increased in 11 participants during compassion imagery and decreased in 11 others. In Kirschner’s 2019 study, patterns included lower heart rate during the exercises, but physiological differences between groups were not found in the brief resting measurement afterwards. The findings do not establish that effects continue.

What should I do if a self-compassion exercise makes me feel worse?

You can stop it. Do not force yourself to imagine compassion or touch your body to prove that you can become calm. You can use a realistic sentence such as “This is a difficult day; I'll choose what I can do now,” or ask for support you feel comfortable with. If distress is severe or persistent, discuss your experience with a professional rather than repeating an exercise that makes it worse.

Does self-compassion release a “safety hormone”?

Rockliff’s experiment cannot establish that: it did not measure oxytocin or test self-hugging or placing a hand on the chest. It therefore cannot support a general claim that compassion releases a “safety hormone” or that a different practice will produce the same result. Its cortisol decline also cannot be attributed to compassion alone, because the final sample followed the whole imagery sequence.

How can I practise self-compassion on a hard day?

Start by describing the problem more fairly: “I didn't finish what I planned today,” rather than “I'm useless.” You may still feel tense, but you can then prioritise essential work, ask for help or rest when your energy is gone. Look at what you are doing: are you repeating an insult, or acknowledging the difficulty and your capacity? Self-compassion does not replace assessment or care for a health problem.

Writing and article review

Alanoud AlturkiWritten byAlanoud Alturki

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, writing in Arabic and English on mental health and everyday life topics, including relationships, stress, work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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