Shyness in Children: How Can Parents Help?

Parents are a child's first caregivers and serve as a mirror for the child. The actions they take and the reactions they express represent normal and correct behavior to their child. Many behaviors and traits that become established in a child's personality are therefore acquired from the parents. For example, if one parent is sharp-tempered and irritable, that alone can foster the same traits in the child. Likewise, if one or both parents are shy, this can lead to a shy child.

A child does not acquire these traits only when a parent has them. At other times, parents may not be shy or irritable, but they engage in practices toward their children that reinforce shyness or other traits in them.

What causes shyness?

1. Shyness develops in children or adults because of low self-confidence, which can result when parents fail to support and encourage a child at a young age and instead constantly criticize the child, hold them accountable for everything they do, scold them, and subject them to verbal or physical abuse.
2. Children of shy and unsociable parents may also become shy by imitating them.
3. In addition, some parents prevent their children from taking part in any activity or doing anything they want, intending to protect them or the things around them. They may also scold them, prevent them from joining social occasions, and not allow them to go out with them. This leaves their children with weak personalities: they become shy, do not take the initiative to do anything themselves, and may not even speak to others or communicate properly. They are always afraid of how people around them see them and what they say about them, and they feel that everyone is watching them and waiting for their mistakes.

The symptoms and consequences of shyness:

• Shyness can result in declining academic performance because a child feels too shy to participate in lessons or fears that the teacher or classmates will react by mocking them.
• It can lead to missed opportunities and avoiding competitions or activities with friends so that they do not become the focus of attention, which causes them severe tension.
• They may constantly stay out of everyone's sight, sit where no one can see them, and avoid participating in conversations when they are with people who are not very close to them.
• They may have only one friend or no friends at all and experience a constant sense of loneliness and tension.
• They may not want to leave the house so that they do not have to face other people, making them vulnerable to tension and embarrassment.

Ways to treat shyness and social fear:

Tips for treating shyness in children:

• If you are parents with a shy child, you should support the child and praise the things they do.
• Encourage the child and do not criticize or scold them. Instead, try to understand them and explain things calmly.
• Enroll your child in sports clubs and encourage them to join competitions at school or at the club. You can also entrust them with household tasks, such as being responsible for bringing needed items.
• Try to make your child feel useful and important and show that you rely on them and that they succeed in everything they do. This will increase your child's self-confidence and reduce their tension and fear of others, helping them develop initiative and communicate properly.
• Let your child introduce and express themselves. Show interest and listen to them. When meeting other people, do not say, “This is my son, so-and-so, and he is a little shy!” Let your child introduce themselves. Do not put them in the spotlight by saying, “Come on, say hello to so-and-so, come on!” In other words, do not pressure them. Simply do what you would like them to do, and they will certainly learn from you. Never compare them with anyone else.

Tips to help overcome shyness:

• For people who want to overcome shyness, I recommend joining associations that help others or joining sports clubs, attending social occasions, and regularly visiting relatives and friends.
• If you find communication difficult and cannot participate in conversations, try to do more reading and broaden your knowledge. Share this information with those around you, ask for their opinions, and discuss it with them. This will lead you into side conversations that help you build relationships easily, and others will admire you because of your knowledge and conversational ability.

If you are parents with a shy child, you need to recognize and understand your child's situation and avoid scolding the child because of their shyness. Instead, observe their behavior so that you can identify weaker aspects of their personality and work to strengthen and correct them. Ultimately, never surrender to the idea that you are shy and cannot do anything about it. It does require some effort, but with persistence, nothing is impossible.