There is no single way to deal with every child who uses stubbornness to get what they want. A stubborn child is a distinctive child with determination and persistence who wants to have a place in life. It is therefore important to learn how to deal with stubbornness in children. Whenever a child insists on something, there is a need behind that stubbornness. If the child understands that their family is trying to understand them, they will be more likely to begin communicating their needs in words instead of expressing them through stubborn behavior.

Let us consider the message a child is trying to communicate through stubborn behavior. The child may be trying to send several messages, including:

  • I like deciding for myself.
  • I like choosing for myself.
  • I want to have my place in this home.
  • I want you to like my decisions.
  • I want you to respect my decisions. I am grown up now.

It is not necessary to give a child everything they want, but it is important to show that we understand the reason behind their insistence and stubbornness. The family should replace words that make the child feel like a burden on the household with words showing that the family understands what lies behind their insistence and stubbornness.

For example, instead of saying, "I cannot deal with you anymore. You have tired me out, exhausted me, and driven me crazy,"

use words that make the child feel their family understands their needs, such as: "You are angry because you want to decide for yourself. You insist on making your own decision because you want us to respect and like it, and because you want us to see you as a grown-up."

At first, we should remember that we are trying to reduce the intensity of the child's stubbornness, not eliminate it. A stubborn child is more direct than other children and finds it difficult to follow or be led by others.

How should we deal with a stubborn child?

First: Give the child choices.

It is important to give a stubborn child several choices. For example, if the child asks for chocolate, tell them they should not eat it because it might harm them, then let them choose between a healthy biscuit, a piece of fruit, or cornflakes. You could also give them the chocolate to keep and eat on another day. This helps the child feel they have some control over what they eat.

Second: Ask the child to use magic words when making a request.

It is important not to use commands with a stubborn child because this increases their stubbornness. Commands can instead be replaced with kind expressions such as "please," "if you would," and "thank you."

Third: Prepare the child in advance.

It is important to prepare the child beforehand and tell them what we are going to ask of them.


For example, if we want to ask the child to take a bath, we should choose the right time rather than asking while they are in the middle of a game. We should tell the child that they need to stop playing. They will probably refuse, so we ask when they can stop. If we suggest stopping in five or ten minutes and the child says fifteen minutes, we should agree and set a phone alarm or an hourglass for them.


It is also important to remind the child five minutes and then two minutes before the time ends, making it easier for them to go along with our request.

Fourth: Encouragement.

A stubborn child likes to decide independently. It is important for the family to encourage the child and show pride in them. Instead of saying that our child is stubborn, we can say that our child is persistent, determined, and knows what they want.

A stubborn child is distinctive and strong-willed. When treated appropriately, the child will clearly understand that stubbornness means losing control and the ability to choose between options in every area of life. Stubbornness will not enable them to choose freely to do the right thing. They can achieve all of this without insisting on using stubborn behavior.

To learn more about dealing with a stubborn child, download the mental health app from Tatmeen on Google Play and the App Store, and register on the Tatmeen website for valuable information and practical tools to strengthen your mental well-being.