Anger, in its various forms, is one of the ways a child expresses negative emotions. Many children are unable to calm themselves. When they become angry, they need an adult who can help them settle down and contain their reactions so that they can learn to manage them.

What causes anger in children?

Parents sometimes make common mistakes that prevent a child from developing the ability to self-soothe, including:

  • First: Responding to a child's anger with anger. In other words, when the child becomes angry, the parents shout at the child until they calm down.
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  • Second: When a child hits a sibling or friend, the parents hit the child to teach them that this behavior is wrong.
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  • Third: Giving in to every request and desire that leads the child to cry and scream.
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  • Fourth: Distracting the child by allowing them to play on a phone or watch television. Screens stimulate the brain, so when the child stops using the screen, they may become more confused, tired, and less responsive to external stimulation. This, in turn, may cause the child to return to their previous state of anger.

How can I help my child overcome anger?

Instead, parents should be aware of several approaches that are preferable for managing and calming a child's anger, including:

  • First: Put the child's anger into words to help them identify what they are feeling, and teach them how to communicate that feeling to those around them through words rather than actions. This can be done by describing the situation, for example: “I wanted to give you a piece of chocolate, but you had some chocolate a short while ago.”
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  • Second: Try to connect with the child's feelings. For example: “I know you felt sad because I did not let you have the chocolate, right?”
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  • Third: Connect with the child's needs, because a negative feeling arises from a need that has not been adequately met. The parents' role is to look for that need. For example: “The child wanted to eat the chocolate because they prefer to decide for themselves what to eat, and they became angry when their father stopped them.”
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  • Fourth: Explain why the child was not allowed to have it. We might say: “Because we love you and worry about you eating food that is full of sugar, we did not allow you to have the chocolate. If you eat unhealthy food, we will feel sad and upset because we have not taken good care of you.” Finally, ask the child—as a request, not an order—to wait until tomorrow to have the chocolate and to choose a healthy, nutritious food to eat today, such as fruit.

Children's ability to calm themselves and control their temper outbursts depends on having a safe social environment that enables them to do so. Many children find it difficult to stop these outbursts on their own. All parents need to be able to understand and contain their children's reactions so that their children can learn to manage them. This helps parents handle their children's anger from an early age and avoid problems with anger management as they grow older.

To support this, parents can redirect the child's focus and attention by offering an alternative to the source of the anger so that the child does not remain focused on it. This can be done by moving the child away from the place or situation in which the outburst occurred.

Download the Tatmeen app on Google Play or the App Store to receive psychological counseling or access self-help exercises.