You are surrounded by people and friends, and your social media accounts are crowded… “Why, then, do I feel lonely even though I have friends?”

 

7 reasons you feel lonely despite being around people

 

1. You misunderstand what loneliness is.

 

Loneliness is an emotional state, not a “physical” one. It cannot be prevented simply by having many friends or by never being alone.

 

Nor can you eliminate loneliness by telling yourself to “just get over it.” Loneliness often arises from things we learned or experienced as children that caused us to behave in certain ways. These ways of living can be difficult to change, especially when connected to childhood psychological trauma.

 

So, first of all, accept that ending your loneliness is not about filling your social calendar or joining another dating site. It is time to look a little deeper.

 

2. You need a genuine “connection.”

 

If there were a magical ingredient for not feeling lonely, it would be the ability to connect emotionally with others. It is not about being able to present yourself attractively or discuss the same subjects another person finds interesting. In fact, these things may both be ways of escaping “connection.”

 

Emotional “connection” means being with people around whom we feel open and emotionally available, and being able to show our true selves while feeling safe doing so.

 

3. You find it difficult to be yourself.

By: Joelle L

Emotional connection involves being yourself in the company of others.But if you have spent your entire life trying to meet the expectations of your friends and family, you will find it difficult to “be yourself.”

 

You may not even know what your “true self” is.

 

A lack of self-identity often lies behind persistent loneliness. If we cannot clearly define who we are, we will always feel misunderstood. How can others connect with us if we constantly change how we present ourselves and leave them confused?

 

This can happen if we spent our childhood trying excessively to please a parent, leaving our true self no opportunity to develop, or if childhood psychological trauma caused us to develop a “false self” to conceal painful feelings.

 

4. Deep down, you do not trust anyone.

 

Of course, if you do not trust anyone, how can you relax enough to be yourself? This kind of fear of intimacy creates many inner walls and barriers that prevent others from reaching you—and leave you trapped inside, alone.

 

5. You have borderline personality disorder.

 

Sometimes our ability to trust has been so damaged by childhood experiences that maintaining relationships with others becomes impossible, no matter how hard we try.

 

Are you a highly passionate and charming person who attracts partners and friends easily, only for the people on that list to change quickly? Do you connect with others rapidly, but find that endings are usually dramatic? Have you repeatedly been told that you are highly emotional and reactive?

 

Borderline personality disorder is not only exhausting; it can also leave you feeling unbearably misunderstood and alone in the world.

 

6. Your definition of friendship needs reconsideration.

 

Sometimes loneliness comes down to not understanding the essential elements of friendship in the adult world.

 

Yes, at school we are drawn to others because we are on the same sports team or like the same music. But when we become adults, independent of our family’s constant support, we instead need to find people who share our personal values.

 

Personal values are the things that matter most to you in life.

 

If you lost everything and everyone in your life but still had yourself, what would matter to you then?

As you can see, if you share these core values with someone, it does not matter whether your outward lives—which are always changing—look the same when you are aligned on the inside.

 

Perhaps this is why social media “friendships” do not end feelings of loneliness. Instead, studies indicate that social media directly increases levels of loneliness. We simply are not honest enough in how we present ourselves in the virtual world. Alongside personal values, genuine friendship is also built on authenticity.

 

7. You do not know how to receive what others give.

 

Do you tend to refuse every offer of help and do everything yourself? Do you deflect questions about yourself and insist on discussing only other people’s problems? Do you hide your feelings when you are sad or frustrated and contact your friends only when you are in a good mood?

Connection is a two-way street.

If you build one-sided friendships in which you always give and never receive, you will feel drained instead of loved. At the extreme, this may become a pattern of “codependency” in which you begin linking your self-worth to helping others and lose any sense of your own needs.

 

Does this sound worryingly familiar?

 

If you find that you have real difficulty connecting emotionally with others and suspect that your ways of relating to them stem from skills and experiences acquired in childhood, it may be helpful to seek support from a psychological counselor.

Connecting with others is now considered so important to our health that some therapies focus solely on this aspect of our lives.

 

Source:Harley Therapy

Image:tealeleFUNT on pixabay