I prefer to think of Valentine’s Day not only as a day for romance, but also as a day for showing care. After all, romantic relationships are not built on romance alone. They require attention and care.

February 14 is a day to refresh your marriage and an opportunity to reflect and talk with your partner about how to strengthen and improve it. Couples who do not grow together gradually grow apart.


Here are three recent studies that you may benefit from reading and discussing with your partner.


The first study:

In 2013, researchers Rogge, Cobb, and Lawrence found that couples who regularly watch films about romantic relationships together and then discuss them have half the divorce rate of couples who do not.

The researchers concluded that couples generally have a reasonable idea of what is going well and what is not in their relationship. Simply encouraging them to discuss couples’ problems and communicate about them regularly may therefore be all it takes to keep many relationships healthy.

The takeaway: Throughout the year, set aside time to sit together and watch films centered on marital relationships, followed by a discussion. The study shows that making this a regular practice is worthwhile.


The second study:

What does your partner value most in your relationship? More money to spend? A bigger house? A constant supply of flowers?

In a study conducted in the United Kingdom, 4,000 people were asked what they valued most in their spouses. Contrary to expectations, the researchers found that people valued simple expressions of kindness most. 

The takeaway: By all means, give your partner a box of chocolates or a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day. But do not forget what matters every day throughout the year: a compliment, a helping hand in the kitchen or garden, or a simple “How are you today?” followed by genuine listening. These are ways to keep your love alive.


The third study:

Researchers Finkel, Hui, Carswell, and Larson (2014) studied how marriage has evolved over the years and found that it has, in fact, changed significantly.

In the past, people generally married for safety and security. Today, we expect marriage to give us more than that. People now seek emotional fulfillment and self-realization through marriage.

However, the researchers found a gap between people’s expectations and the amount of time and effort they invest in their marriages to gain these rewards. As a result, many are disappointed.

The takeaway: Do not lower your expectations for your marriage. Instead, decide with your partner to invest time and effort in your relationship. Challenge each other to grow together, and you will reap the desired results.

Together, commit to:

Being open to discussing problems in your relationship.

Showing your partner an expression of kindness every day.

Investing time and effort in your relationship with your partner.

No matter how long you have been together, remember that in any relationship, you will get two things from it: 1) what you are willing to ask for, and 2) what you are willing to contribute.

 

Author: Dr. Jonice Webb

Image: @freestocks