Psychological Counseling in Childhood

One of the most important challenges I faced when I began working as a student counselor was how to deal with problems students encounter, especially when one of them is subjected to a form of violence, such as hitting, insults, shouting, bullying, or something else. The greatest and most obvious obstacle was that the children lacked important “social skills” that could enable and help them solve their problems. This is where psychological counseling comes in.

What is psychological counseling?

Psychological counseling is a process that connects two parties. The first is the psychological counselor, who is the specialist, and the second is the person facing the problem. Their relationship is professional and based on expertise. The counselor does not seek to provide ready-made solutions, but aims to help the person recognize the problem and develop the awareness needed to make an appropriate decision to solve it.

What is the role of a psychological counselor during childhood?

In this regard, I would like to share the most important steps to follow when providing psychological counseling during childhood. I drew these steps from real-life observations so that the counselor's role can become more realistic, effective, and complete.

1. Calm the child and acknowledge their feelings: A child came to me crying because someone had kicked him in the foot. I sat him on a chair, moved closer, looked into his eyes, and asked: Did that hurt you? Are you sad? Do you feel angry with the classmate who hit you? I ask these questions while wiping away his tears and giving him words that help him understand and identify his feelings. These emotional concepts show him that I empathize with him and understand what he is experiencing, enabling me to move to the second step.

2. The importance of the question: What happened that led your classmate to hit you? In this situation, I do not ask, “What did you do?” because it sounds somewhat like an interrogation or investigation. This may prevent the child from engaging with me because this kind of question makes them feel unsafe. It is important to avoid personalizing questions by focusing on the situation or the problem, not on the child as a party to or participant in it.

3. Do not analyze or justify: It is not our role to analyze matters by saying, for example, “It seems the child hit you because you bothered him,” or “It seems this is not the first time you have been hit.” Do not play the analyst. Instead, obtain factual information about what happened directly from the child. Justifications will not solve the problem either: “He did not mean to hit you,” “He did not know that the blow would hurt you,” or “This child hits everyone; you are not the only one who has been hit.”

4. Put the ball in the child's court: A student kicked a classmate fairly hard in the abdomen. I called both girls in and asked the one who had carried out the assault, “What should we do now?” She remained silent. As a counselor, I could have offered solutions and played the role of a super-counselor, but I tried to give the student space to think of ways to solve the problem. Thinking is important in this situation. It shapes a child's personality and makes them intelligent and able to face challenges. She suggested accompanying the other student to the hospital or speaking with the assaulted girl's father and offering a full apology to him and his daughter. The latter option was chosen after the student who had been hit agreed.

Our children need to see the consequences of their actions, feel the pain they cause others, take responsibility for it, bear the consequences, and observe and learn how to deal with it. This is better than invading their space and immediately giving instructions and advice. Perhaps this will help prevent them from becoming a source of problems.

5. Do not rescue children or provide solutions, whether you are a counselor, mother, father, or caregiver. You are present in children's world to draw solutions from their own words and teach them how to handle problems and stand up for themselves.

Many mothers come and say: “My child was hit, and I want to get back at the child who hit him. A teacher treated my child inappropriately, and I want to hold the teacher accountable. My child is being bullied, and I want to stop this farce.” But why, as a mother, must you play the rescuer? Why do you want to resolve matters on your child's behalf? Why should your child not resolve them? Why not teach your child how to confront problems and search for ways and tools to address the social difficulties they face?

Childhood is an important stage of human life in which many values, principles, and concepts take root and shape our children's personalities and awareness. To build a child's psychological and social life on healthy foundations, we must believe in the importance and role of psychological counseling during childhood. It enables both parents and the child to make use of this stage by teaching the child effectively, helping them recognize their problems and seek solutions.