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Returning to school: how to help when your child is worried

Alanoud AlturkiMedical review: Tatmeen team7 min read
حقيبة مدرسية وملابس مطوية وعلبة طعام ودفتر على طاولة خشبية قرب نافذة.
Article contents
  1. Listen when there is time to talk
  2. Turn the worry into a specific plan
  3. Before the first day, reduce the unknowns
  4. If there is bullying or harm
  5. What if going to school remains difficult?
  6. A school conversation card
  7. Frequently Asked Questions
  8. Sources and references
  9. Writer and reviewer

When your child says, “I do not want to go to school,” start with a question that helps identify the difficulty: “Which part of the day worries you most?” They may need to know who will greet them or how to ask for help. There may also be bullying, pain or a learning difficulty that needs attention. Hearing the reason helps you choose suitable support rather than simply promising that school will be fun.

The aim is learning in a safe environment with appropriate support. Attendance matters, but getting there involves more than pushing a child through the door or telling them to stop being afraid.

Listen when there is time to talk

Try talking when you are not rushing out. If your child cannot explain, offer possibilities without assuming a cause: “Is saying goodbye difficult, or break time, a particular lesson, or something happening with someone?”

They might say, “I worry I will not understand what to do, and I feel embarrassed to ask.” You could answer, “Let's agree with your teacher on a way to ask for clarification when you need it.” Support becomes something they can try, rather than “There is nothing to worry about.”

With a teenager, give them room to explain what they want others to know and whom they feel comfortable approaching at school. Do not promise secrecy about a threat to their safety. Explain that you will seek help to protect them and try to involve them in how you contact others.

Saudi Ministry of Health guidance recommends listening to pupils' worries, asking about school problems including bullying1, and informing the school about particular medical needs.

Turn the worry into a specific plan

What is difficult? A step to agree with the school
The child does not know the place or what happens on arrival. A visit or introduction if available, and clarity about the entrance and who greets them.
They worry that the person collecting them will be late. Explain the collection plan and whom to ask for help if it changes.
Saying goodbye is difficult. An agreed goodbye and a familiar person to meet them; severe distress calls for specialist support.
They fear a peer or break time. Listen to what happened and contact the school promptly for protection and follow-up.
A lesson, reading or noise makes the day overwhelming. Discuss the situation with the teacher and consider learning support or suitable adjustments rather than calling the child lazy.

Choose an achievable step and who will take it: “I will speak to the teacher today so we know whom you can approach for help.” Support can begin while some fear remains. Do not ask your child to endure actual harm in order to get used to it.

Before the first day, reduce the unknowns

Review the route, morning preparations, food and collection arrangements in a way that fits your family. Offer a small choice, such as arranging the school bag, without making purchases a condition of reassurance. Knowing a peer or trusted adult2 they will meet may also help when available.

Start adjusting sleep and wake times before the return as circumstances allow, and make the routine clear. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine3 generally recommends 9–12 hours of sleep daily for ages 6–12 and 8–10 for ages 13–18. These are general recommendations. Discuss persistent sleep problems with a doctor, and do not use hours alone to explain every school difficulty.

After school, try a specific question such as “Who helped you today?” or “Which part was hardest?” and leave time to rest. Answers may be short; every evening need not become an interrogation.

If there is bullying or harm

Listen without blame. Asking why they did not defend themselves may make the harm sound like their responsibility. Keep an appropriate record of what they describe, and contact the teacher, counsellor or school leadership about protection. Ask what action will be taken, whom the child can approach, and when you will check whether the harm has stopped. Saudi Ministry of Health guidance recommends contacting the school4 as soon as possible about school bullying.

When there is immediate danger or an assault requiring care, protection and urgent help take priority over the attendance timetable. Rewarding attendance must not replace addressing harm or an unmet need.

What if going to school remains difficult?

Recurring morning stomach aches or headaches do not prove that your child is pretending, even if they improve at home. Distress may be linked to school, and physical, learning or psychological causes5 may need assessment. Do not diagnose from the pattern alone.

If your child refuses to go, keep the conversation as calm as possible, ask about the reason, and contact the school that day to arrange the next step. Avoid pulling, threats or humiliation6. Forcing a child into a distressing situation before understanding it can make the problem worse.

Seek help early if distress is severe or increasing, absences recur, or sleep, eating or usual activities are affected. Do not delay help while waiting for your child to adjust without support. You may start with the child's doctor to assess physical symptoms, alongside the school and a qualified child mental-health professional. When needed, a supported, gradual return plan5 should fit the child and address the cause. A general article cannot prescribe a fixed timetable or treatment steps.

Take talk of self-harm or concerns about safety seriously and seek urgent assessment7. If there is immediate danger, stay with your child and seek emergency help at once.

A school conversation card

Keep it privately or use it while talking to the school; avoid sharing your child's personal details in public groups:

  • What my child says, in their own words: …
  • The situation or time they find difficult: …
  • Is there a safety concern or a symptom needing assessment? …
  • The step we agree on: …
  • The adult they can ask for help at school: …
  • Who will follow up, and when will we review what happened? …

You do not have to discover every cause in one conversation. A useful beginning is for your child to know that you take their words seriously and that reassurance comes with a clear, achievable step.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I help my child who is worried about going back to school?

Start with a question that helps identify the difficulty, such as “Which part of the day worries you most?”, ideally when you are not rushing out. They may need to know who will greet them or how to ask for help, or there may be bullying, pain or a learning difficulty. Then choose an achievable step and who will take it, such as speaking to the teacher. Support can begin while some fear remains.

What should I do if my child refuses to go to school?

Keep the conversation as calm as possible, ask about the reason, and contact the school that day to arrange the next step. Avoid pulling, threats or humiliation: forcing a child into a distressing situation before understanding it can make the problem worse. Do not ask your child to endure actual harm in order to get used to it. When needed, a supported, gradual return plan should fit the child and address the cause.

Do morning stomach aches mean my child is pretending?

Recurring morning stomach aches or headaches do not prove that your child is pretending, even if they improve at home. Distress may be linked to school, and physical, learning or psychological causes may need assessment, so do not diagnose from the pattern alone. You may start with the child's doctor to assess physical symptoms, alongside the school and a qualified child mental-health professional.

What should I do if my child is bullied at school?

Listen without blame; asking why they did not defend themselves may make the harm sound like their responsibility. Keep an appropriate record of what they describe, and contact the teacher, counsellor or school leadership about protection as soon as possible. Ask what action will be taken, whom the child can approach, and when you will check whether the harm has stopped. When there is immediate danger or an assault requiring care, protection and urgent help take priority.

When should I get professional help for my child's school worries?

Seek help early if distress is severe or increasing, absences recur, or sleep, eating or usual activities are affected. Do not delay help while waiting for your child to adjust without support. You may start with the child's doctor, alongside the school and a qualified child mental-health professional. Take talk of self-harm or concerns about safety seriously and seek urgent assessment. If there is immediate danger, stay with your child and seek emergency help at once.

Writing and article review

Alanoud AlturkiWritten byAlanoud Alturki

Content writer and researcher at Tatmeen, writing in Arabic and English on mental health and everyday life topics, including relationships, stress, work, habits, and family.

Tatmeen teamMedical reviewTatmeen team

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