Am I Toxic to the People Around Me?

Social relationships generally require honesty and open communication between people. While everyone seeks healthy, positive relationships, an important question may arise: Am I toxic to the people around me?

A toxic personality refers to negative behavior or influence that can have serious consequences for personal relationships and the surrounding social environment. 

In this article, we will take a closer look at the concept of a toxic personality and its defining signs, as well as its effects on relationships and the environment around us.

Who Is a Toxic Person?

The term “toxic person” refers to someone whose behavior and influence negatively affect other people and their surroundings. A toxic person has patterns of thought and behavior that disturb the atmosphere and create tension and conflict in personal and professional relationships. They may be emotionally manipulative, seeking to control and exploit others for personal benefit. 

 The findings of a study (Zettler et al., 2018) indicated that people who behave in toxic ways may have certain personality traits. These traits appear in a tendency to place their goals and interests above those of others while offering unconvincing justifications for their behavior to avoid feeling guilt or shame.

A toxic personality may also appear through negative remarks and constant criticism, lowering other people's morale and affecting their self-confidence.

What Signs Suggest That You Are Toxic?

 A toxic person negatively affects others through patterns of thought and behavior that cause tension in professional and personal relationships. Several signs may suggest that you are a toxic person in your environment, including the following:

Constant inconsistency

Being human means facing life's challenges each day and continually experiencing moments of joy and sadness, which can change your attitudes or reactions. A toxic person, however, is inconsistent in their behavior or opinions. They do not keep their word or honor their promises, making it difficult to interact with them. Their future behavior may also be hard to predict: their reaction may change suddenly, or they may ignore you completely. This erratic behavior weakens relationships and makes it difficult to deal with them consistently and with confidence.

A constant need for attention

A toxic personality is marked by a constant need for attention and emotional support. They always need something from you, whether phone calls, text messages, or a particular favor, yet may not offer the same in return. Toxic people take everything you have without giving much back. They show a high degree of self-interest and a need to display their greatness to gain attention. This may be associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

 The findings of a study (Roark SV, 2012) confirmed that personality disorders generally affect social relationships, negatively affecting relationships in every area of life, whether at work, in the community, or within the family.

Overreacting

Overreacting and heightened emotions are signs of a toxic personality. A toxic person feels the need to respond excessively and dramatically to events and situations. Their reactions may be extreme, whether intense joy or excessive anger, without balance or proportion to the event. 

A toxic person uses this strategy to attract attention. They tend to manipulate emotions and exploit this to achieve personal goals.

Crossing other people's boundaries

Personal boundaries are essential in different social relationships. They define how all parties want to be treated and what they can expect from one another. Boundaries also help people protect their energy from exploitation when too much is asked of them.

 A toxic person tends to disregard other people's boundaries and needs. They cross others' boundaries and interfere in their personal lives and private affairs without permission or respect for their privacy. They may do so in several ways, such as intruding into personal matters, interfering in personal decisions, spying on private affairs, or even spreading false stories about them. A toxic person uses this as a means of control to fulfill personal goals and desires and reinforce a sense of superiority and dominance.

The findings of a study (Brown AA et al., 2017) showed that having toxic people in your life will make you feel bad about yourself and negatively affect your social relationships. It may also reduce your trust in other people in the future.

Difficulty engaging with others

This is a major weakness in a toxic person: an inability to understand or respond deeply to other people's feelings and needs. They may completely ignore or dismiss others' feelings as unimportant or weak. A toxic person may pretend to be extremely busy, leaving them unable to understand other people's situations or empathize with their feelings and emotions. This spreads negativity through social circles.

 After learning the most prominent signs of a toxic personality, you can determine whether you are toxic or are dealing with toxic people around you. In either case, speaking with a counselor or psychotherapist is recommended. You can do so by downloading the Tatmeen app, which can help you establish boundaries and provide strategies and tools for dealing with a toxic person to protect your mental health.

References

1- Moshagen, M., et al. The dark core of personality. Psychological Review, (2018) 125(5), 656–688. doi.org/10.1037/rev0000111

2- Roark SV. Narcissistic personality disorder: effect on relationships. Ala Nurse. 2012;39(4):12-14.

3- Crocker J, et al. Social motivation: costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness. Annu Rev Psychol. 2017;68(1):299-325. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145